Last night I attended an AA meeting where a woman led it with a very distressful event currently taking place in her life. From what I gathered, a water main in her house had burst and been unable to be shut off for a considerable amount of time due to a domino effect of complications. Between having to throw away many belongings and being forced for the next few months to stay in a local hotel, she and her partner were quite overwhelmed. Because of this, she asked for the topic of the meeting to be on how people remain sane and sober through those big difficulties and tragedies that come in life.
Based upon her topic, it’s sad to say but up until a few years ago, I wouldn’t have had any experience, strength or hope to contribute to that meeting last night. As for over two decades, whenever any tragic thing took place in my life, I just numbed myself from dealing with it through some type of addiction. And when you spend over two decades of your life numbing yourself from just about everything and anything, it’s pretty shocking to the system when you start walking through a tragedy without any type of crutch. It really is true what people say though in that it gets easier the more you practice doing it, and the more I’ve done it, the more I’ve learned some valuable lessons that have helped me to remain sane and sober through even the worst things that can happen in life.
The first lesson I learned is that no matter how bad one’s tragedy ever is, something good will ALWAYS come of it. Being molested, my father’s suicide, my mother’s terminal fall down the stairs, the breakup of a long-term relationship, and the short sale of the bed and breakfast I once owned have all, in their own way, eventually led me to a much happier and healthier life. Take the case of that breakup from a former partner and that short sale of the bed and breakfast as an example. At the time I was losing either of them, I also had no recovery, no real friends, felt completely empty and alone, and didn’t love myself at all. All of that forced me to seek out help, which I did through the rooms or Alcoholics Anonymous and therapy. Today, I can look back and see how both that ex-partner and that bed and breakfast weren’t healthy for me, but at the time I was losing them, it actually felt as if it were the end of the world. And now I have a very strong recovery, some solid friends, I don’t feel completely empty and alone anymore, and I love myself so much more. I know it’s hard to see how anything good will ever come of something so tragic when we’re going through it. But I’ve learned that if I walk through that darkness, there is a wonderful and beautiful clearing on the other side as long as I don’t numb myself through its healing process.
A second and just as important lesson I learned is to be as grateful as possible for what I still have while going through any of life’s calamities. I do my best today to look for everything I can have gratitude for when I’m in the middle of that darkness that comes in life’s greatest challenges. A good example of this is how I am dealing with the latest difficulty in my life, that being my partner’s infidelity. I am extremely grateful that he has the willingness to work through this and has also admitted his wrong. He has taken some serious steps to getting the help he needs and showing me he wants this to still work. I know if I choose to focus in on the negative side of this experience, it will get me nowhere in the healing process and instead will keep me in the victim role. Thus, staying grateful and looking for what I still have will make things a lot easier to get through it.
A final lesson I learned is to get out of myself and help someone else during any of life’s greatest challenges. Doing that has always led me to feeling so much better. Ironically, I believe that God has us go through these difficult life experiences so that we may grow stronger and help someone else get through them down the road. So now when I’m actively going through one of these misfortunes, I get out of myself by doing something like going to a meeting and sharing some of my experience, strength, and hope about one of the previous ones I’ve found healing from already.
I can assure you that each of these lessons can and will help you get through any of life’s tribulations. So if something as tragic as your house completely flooding should occur, I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and know that something good will come of this. In that woman’s case who led the AA meeting, thankfully she did have insurance which is covering everything. Who knows, maybe their repairs of her house will fix something that could have become an even greater tragedy? And hopefully she can see that the free hotel stay for two months is a luxury and not a curse. But most importantly, I know she’ll find those two months going by much quicker until she gets back in her home, by reaching out and helping others through tragedies she’s already healed from in life.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson