Month: January 2014

The “Sex And Love Addiction 40 Questions For Self-Diagnosis” Pamphlet

If you’ve read any of my previous blogs, then you’ll probably know by now that I’m recovering from multiple addictions I’ve suffered from throughout life. I’m truly grateful that I’ve been able to build up good sobriety time in each of them, including the year and a half I have now in my recovery from a sex and love addiction. Three years ago, I attended my first recovery meeting for this addiction where I was handed a pamphlet entitled “40 Questions For Self-Diagnosis”. What’s interesting is how different my answers are to those questions today as compared to back then.

I never answered those 40 questions that day when I received that pamphlet. Part of me knew already what it would show me, and another part of me wasn’t ready at the time to fully let this addiction go. But after I went through a lot more pain from acting out in this addiction, I finally did. And when I was done, a “Yes” could be found next to thirty-six of them! I was horrified to realize just how much of a sex and love addict I had become and saddened that it had taken me so long to hit rock bottom in that addiction.

Since April 21st, 2012, I have been working diligently to recover from my sex and love addiction. I believe it did more damage to my life than any of my other addictions did combined. I think that’s only because I let it go on for so long without realizing how much I really had a problem. It can be rather hard for a person to realize that things like sex and love can even be addictive in nature. The consequences are often more subtle than what other addictions can do to a person. In my case, while my addictions to alcohol, drugs, and gambling affected me greatly from living life on a normal basis, my sex and love addiction didn’t.

I spent years chasing one sexual escapade after another, falling in codependent love again and again, racking up countless hours looking at porn, constantly verbalizing sexual innuendoes, and flirtatiously chatting with people on the Internet I’d never meet. Through all of that, the worst I ever experienced was having a tremendous amount of ups and downs in my life. Yet, I was still able to function on most days doing my normal routines unlike what the rest of my addictions had done to my life. I believe this is what makes a sex and love addiction so difficult to diagnose in someone.

People ask me all the time these days how they would know if they had a problem with this addiction. Trying to answer that for him or her is difficult because it’s different for each and every person. There really isn’t a cut and dry image of a sex and love addict, unlike that of a seasoned alcoholic or drug addict. As I said already, many sex and love addicts can manage living their lives just fine and may never feel like they have a problem. In my case, that was true until I made a realization one day that my happiness was totally dependent on my sex and love behaviors. For others, it’s also been true until their addiction got them arrested, or caused a divorce, or contracted them a serious disease. Thankfully none of those things had to happen to me to face my own sex and love addiction. But in all cases, it really is best to refer anyone asking about a sex and love addition to that 40 questions pamphlet. Because ultimately, if each are answered honestly, a person will clearly see whether they are or aren’t a sex and love addict like I did after doing it.

I recently took the time to answer each of those questions again for where I’m at in my recovery from this addiction today. Ironically, I was able to mark “No” next to all of them. That’s a far cry from the 36 “Yes’s” I once got from it three years ago, but I know that doesn’t mean I’m cured from this addiction or that I’ve graduated in my recovery program from it. All it means is that this addiction isn’t in charge of my life anymore. Truthfully, God is, and I believe that’s the only reason why I’m able to answer “No” next to each of them now.

While it’s never my place to tell a person whether they’re a sex and love addict or not, I know there is a great tool out there that can help them start trying to figure it out for themselves. And it’s a pamphlet entitled the “Sex And Love Addiction 40 Questions For Self-Diagnosis”. If you are someone who has been questioning whether you’re suffering from this addiction or not, I encourage you to click the link I’ve provided below. It will take you to a page that lists those 40 questions and there you may find the answer to your question like I once did several years ago…

http://www.slaafws.org/download/core-files/The_40_Questions_of_SLAA.pdf

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

A Prayer For Saying Grace

I grew up saying a blessing before just about every family meal through most of my childhood. But as the years passed after I left home and went off to college, I slowly started moving away from regularly doing it. Until at some point I wasn’t doing it at all anymore. That all has changed in the past few years though with the amount of spiritual work I’ve been doing on myself. I’m so much more grateful now for what I have, especially with the food I consume, given that 870 million people in this world are currently starving. For this reason I say grace now at each and every meal and here is one that I hope you may try to use the next time you’re about to eat.

“Dear God, I thank You for this food and for all the abundance I have of it in my life. May You bless this food with Your love and light so that it’s nourishment will draw me closer to You. I’m very grateful to You that I am not going hungry in my life, but I know there are many out there who are. I ask that You guide me to doing my part in feeding those people. Please show me all the ways that I may offer my assistance to any of those who are currently starving. I send blessings out to each and every one of them and pray for the end of world hunger. Thank you again for this meal and all the nutrition it brings me. I love You God. Amen.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Vladimir Putin, Homosexuality, And The 2014 Sochi Winter Games

With the 2014 Winter Olympics set to begin in Sochi, Russia on February 7th, 2014, some fears have arisen lately surrounding all the gay athletes and fans planning on attending the games. Those fears are solely due to the fact that Russia currently has an extremely anti-homosexual stance in its country.

Much of the those fears have been linked to a law that was passed last year in Russia that outlawed any “propaganda” of “non-traditional sexual relations” among minors. The sad thing about this is that with the vague way this law was written, it potentially can affect any public display of homosexuality, including a symbol that represents gay pride, such as a rainbow pin.

In fact, this new law was put to the test only a week ago by a Russian citizen named Pavel Lebedev, who tried to open up a rainbow flag during a segment of the Olympic torch relay as it passed through his hometown of Voronezh. The Olympic security personnel quickly wrestled him to the ground and detained him until the police arrived, where he was promptly arrested.

Russian President Vladimir Putin, went on record recently defending the actions coming from his country’s new law. He proudly noted that Russia had more births than deaths in the past year since the anti-gay propaganda law was passed, as compared to the previous two decades there. However, in the midst of his comments supporting the anti-gay law, he urged that it would still be safe for all gay athletes and fans to attend the games as long as they stayed away from minors. He clarified this by saying that he feels homosexuality and pedophilia are linked, suggesting that gays are more likely to abuse children.

What’s ironic in his statement is that I’ve had personal experience with someone who felt the very same way towards me. A long time ago when my sister came to stay at my former bed and breakfast with her sons, we had to separate them in different rooms at night due to their adolescent fighting. Sometime during the night, my sister’s husband called and proceeded to scream at her when he learned that one of his sons was sharing a bed with me for the night. He told her in rage that all gays were pedophiles and wanted his son out of the bed immediately that he was sharing with me.

First and foremost, I want to personally note how repulsed I was, and still am, at the idea of ever sexually abusing anyone. Having been a former molestation victim myself, I would never want to put anyone through the pain and angst I had to go through to heal from that tragedy. Second, and just as important, there have been many independent studies in the United States that have shown that the majority of pedophiles are actually heterosexual males.

Regardless, it saddens me that my sister’s husband and people like Putin, hold such negative views towards gay people inside. It’s truly disappointing to see how this anti-gay stance is still shared by so many others in this world today.

All of this reminds me of what women, black people, and other minorities have had to face throughout history in just about every corner of the planet. I believe the source of all this racism has always been fear. People are so afraid of change and they do everything they can to try to keep things the way they are. In our country, white people were so afraid that black people would lash out and try to take control over them, that they in turn viscously oppressed them to prevent that from happening. Today, countries like Russia, and many who claim their Christian seem to be doing the very same thing, but it’s now towards gay men and women.

Can you imagine how different this world might be today towards homosexuals if Jesus had blessed a same-sex relationship by saying it was acceptable in the eyes of God as long as they fully dedicated their love to each other? Alas, that’s not the case though; at least it’s not something that’s depicted in the Bible we read today. And unfortunately, there are too many political and religious leaders who take the few passages that do exist in the Bible and interpret them as they see fit to state that God frowns on homosexuality. They bash gay people by linking us to sex offenders and telling us how we’re comparable to acts of bestiality.

But what those gay bashers don’t realize in all their hate is that it’s changing the hearts of many others to start embracing gay people. It’s also causing people to have more compassion for all the minorities of this world who have gone through or are still going through their own struggles for true acceptance and equality.

So, hopefully one day, there will be a lot more love and light on this planet where all racism and discrimination will completely disappear. And hopefully one day, no matter what your race, color, sex, religion, national origin, age, disability, and sexual orientation is, that all will treat you equally and fairly.

Until then, I pray for people like the gay athletes and gay fans who are heading to Sochi in a few weeks. May God protect each of you and may you all be surrounded with love and light.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson