Month: March 2014

One of the hardest things a person faces when they first find recovery from their addiction is picking up the telephone for help and support. It usually stems from the fact that most of them avoided using it and rarely sought help and support when they were active in their addiction. Because of this, many of those who find recovery often end up referring to the telephone as “The 900 Pound Weight”.

When a person is in the active throngs of an addiction, the last thing they generally want to do is talk on the telephone. After all, doing that action is taking away from the time they can engage in their addiction. Of course, if the person’s addiction is something they can get over the phone, such as phone sex, then this won’t apply. But in most cases, when someone such as addict or alcoholic is high or drunk, talking on the phone generally represents an anti-high or a buzz-kill for him or her. That’s only because most of those who end up calling them are concerned loved ones, debt collectors, or employers, all of which are most likely not in favor of the person being active in their addiction.

By the time a person lands in a recovery meeting for their addiction, telephone avoidance has usually become a common ritual in their lives. Day to day, it became a regular occurrence for most of them to run from the calls from creditors they owed money to, the frustrated friends reaching out who wanted them to stop their addiction, and the angry bosses that called when they didn’t show up for work. This presents a problem though when one of the foundations in all of the 12-Step recovery programs is to make use of telephone therapy.

Telephone therapy is simply when a person in recovery picks up the phone and calls another in recovery for the sole purpose of getting their help and support. Throughout one’s recovery from an addiction, especially early on, there are going to be many moments where life throws some curve balls at them. To try handling them on one’s own frequently has the tendency to lead a person right back to their addiction. But one of the things that has helped so many in recovery stay clean and sober when those curve balls happen is to pick up the phone and call another for help. That is why it is stressed so greatly in most 12-Step programs to make use of the telephone.

Currently, I’m sponsoring three people who are recovering from various addictions. One of the requirements I have on anyone I sponsor is that they contact me each and every day for a check-in call. When I found recovery from my own alcohol and drug addictions, my first sponsor told me to do the same. I initially balked at having to do it, but soon realized it was critical on getting out of selfishness and self-centeredness. For years, my own ego had me avoiding phone calls from family members and other loved ones because I was so caught up in my own selfish drives to stay in my addictions. But calling my sponsor every single day broke that pattern and helped me to get used to the idea that the telephone was a great tool to aid in my recovery. There have been countless times since then when I had tremendously bad days where I felt comfortable picking up the phone and calling someone else to help me through it. I know that my first sponsor’s action of calling her every day was the catalyst for this. Thus I now practice the same action with all of my sponsees as well.

For those who truly want to find recovery from an addiction, utilizing the telephone is extremely important, especially early on. Not only does using it squash the ego’s former addiction patterns, it also sets the stage for when those days arrive when a person might really need to call someone else to stay sane and sober.

Thankfully I see this now and the telephone no longer feels like that 900-pound weight to me anymore. I’ve learned how invaluable it is to my own recovery and I regularly use it each and every day to enhance my own spiritual growth. While I do seek God first in all of my recovery-based life now, I’m grateful I’ve learned as well just how invaluable a tool the telephone really is to keeping me sober from all addictions.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

After having a few weeks off from writing in this blog, I have returned with a fresh topic that stems from the vacation I just completed a few days ago.

For the third year in a row, my vacation was based around an all-inclusive seven-day cruise that sailed around the Caribbean. This year though, my cruise ended quite differently, as compared to the previous two. With them, I was already thinking about the next one I wanted to take in the following year by the time they ended. But in this one, I realized it might not be the healthiest thing for me to go on anymore, at least not in my foreseeable future.

It’s very easy to fall into any number of addictive behaviors on an all-inclusive cruise. Eating, gambling, shopping, drinking, and even sex can all be done in over-abundance on just about any one of them.

With eating, there are so many ways to indulge in food all the time on a cruise. There are unlimited free buffets and unlimited free selections from various other eateries and dining rooms. There is also free room service at all hours. Given the easy and free accessibility, it’s quite easy to eat something, even when you might not be that hungry. On this past cruise, I found myself eating slices of pizza and having sweet treats at 1am, just because it was there in front of me and free.

Cruises also have a casino in them that are opened almost 24/7, except when in port. They always seem to be conveniently placed between venues where shows are being held, so that you are forced to walk through them on most days. They generally hold greatly reduced slot tournaments, poker games, blackjack games, and other table games as well, where each beckon you in for just a few dollars. While I don’t regularly gamble in my life anymore, I do allow myself a limit of $20 a day to play on some slot machines. But when some friends won $2200 one night, I found myself becoming seriously tempted to break that limit to try to win big as well.

Some of the bigger cruises these days, like the one I just took, have large shopping areas with various stores to buy just about everything from cologne to clothes. The only thing that’s needed to purchase an item from any one of them is this plastic identification card you carry. It’s tied to your stateroom account and acts like a credit card on the cruise. This makes it quite easy for hasty and compulsive expenditures. There were various products I picked up and almost purchased throughout the cruise just for the sake of having them, even though I didn’t need them.

Of course, the big one that bothers me the most on cruises is the alcohol. Today, cruises offer unlimited packages that when purchased, a person is able to consume unlimited quantities of booze throughout their entire sailing. I find this often leads people to more and more states of drunkenness on cruises these days. To make matters worse, there are floating waiters that wander the ship everywhere with trays of tropical drinks that tempt a person to have one. And champagne is even free to all guests on certain nights, even for those who didn’t purchase an alcohol package, like myself. This was offered to me several times on this past cruise alone.

And lastly, for some strange reason, it seems as if people become more loose on a sexual nature when out at sea. On this particular cruise, a married man began talking to me quite abruptly about the sex he was going to have with his wife, even though I didn’t know him at all. And this isn’t the first time I’ve experienced something like that. I know of men, some married, some not, who go on cruises, just to hook up with someone because of that looseness that seems to exist.

All of this potential for addiction creates an intoxicating energy on a cruise that’s incredibly difficult to avoid. The more days I’ve been on a cruise, the more I have found myself teeter-tottering on relapsing into old behaviors because of that energy. Thankfully this past cruise, I went to three separate AA meetings and got enough recovery from those in attendance that it kept me sane and sober from all of my former addictions.

I truly believe that what I hang around I can become quite easily. On a cruise, I am around too many people who demonstrate my old behaviors and I can’t escape them due to the confines of the ship. This is why I made the decision after this cruise to try a land-based vacation next year.

While a cruise does offer convenience, I have found it to tempt me backwards year after year towards addiction-prone behavior and I can’t afford to go in that direction anymore in this life. I’m truly grateful for my Higher Power who showed me this during my vacation this year. But what I’m most grateful for to that Higher Power is that I didn’t relapse into any of my old addictions on this past cruise. Thankfully, I have a plan now for next year’s vacation that I’m sure will be much healthier for my mind, body, and soul.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson