Once upon a time there was a very innocent, egoless, and selfless young boy name Andy Dawson. He was caring, kind, and willing to help out in every way he could. But through many unfortunate circumstances of life, he began to develop into a very insecure and selfish individual. He eventually started going by the name of “A.D.” and allowed money, sex, alcohol, drugs, and various other addictions to rule his life. Soon, his ego became so large that it couldn’t fit in any room he walked into. But then the day came when so much misery ruled Andy’s life that he knew it was time to begin working on deflating it.
Deflating the ego has been one of the most difficult things I have ever taken on in life. It’s no wonder as I spent more than 22 years of it being an egomaniac and believing that I knew best in everything. I was a Mr. Know It All, and I always thought my point of view was the most important. I generally tried to make everything consistently about me, even when I wasn’t the focus of attention. All of this stemmed from that hurt little boy named Andy Dawson who had grown up into a very insecure adult.
When the day came where I called upon the God of my understanding to help me remove my misery and become a greater spiritual being of light, that was my first true attempt at squashing my ego. In recovery, they say that “ego” stands for “Edging God Out” and how true that is. For someone who lives consistently in ego, they are constantly like a full glass of water, unable to take anything more on. A true walk with God requires that glass to be constantly emptied and refilled again and again. To get there, every facet of my life had to change and the vehicle that has transported me there is ironically the physical pains I’ve endured for these past bunch of years.
I used to be filled with so much anger and rage about my pain, but most recently I came to acceptance that it was a blessing in disguise. Without it, I probably wouldn’t have ever slowed down enough or become humble enough to learn any of the lessons I’ve learned. The pain has taught me humility with money, it’s led me away from all my addictions, it’s helped me to have compassion for everyone in this world, it led me to an incredibly close relationship with God, and it gave me an appreciation and a level of gratitude for what I still had in my life. Thankfully, all of that has moved me in the exact opposite direction from the one I was going in all those ego-based years.
Soon my physical pains will be gone and I will emerge a new man, one that is not ruled by his ego, and one that will give all the praise he receives to God. I never would have thought the method of deflating my ego would have come through so much pain and hardship, but in all honesty, I’m glad it did.
Today, I am leaps and bounds a better spiritual man than I ever used to be and I definitely don’t believe I know everything anymore. In fact, it’s just the opposite as I still have so much more to learn. The process of deflating the ego took a path of great pain for me but I’m grateful to You God nonetheless for helping me get to here…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
