As I sit here in the office on Easter morning writing this entry, I find myself feeling somewhat sad inside. This holiday has always been a time for me to be around my family and loved ones and the same holds true for my partner. But sadly, he won’t be able to be around his immediate family today because of some grudges they’re carrying towards us.
Grudges, as defined in the dictionary, are a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury. Since November of last year, this unfortunately has been the case for both my partner’s brother and sister. Originally stemming from some comments made by them over a family heirloom ring my partner gave me, things have grown quite distant between us and them ever since.
One of the most difficult things that my partner and I have faced over this whole situation was that they weren’t embracing the two of us as a couple. At the time the original incident happened, I was still living in Massachusetts and commuting back and forth. Their judgment was that I was only casually dating my partner for fun and it was being based upon some of our past indiscretions in life prior to meeting each other. Those judgments are what led to a comment of them being upset at me wearing one of their family rings on my hand.
After an attempt was made to clarify just how serious our relationship was in a letter to them, there has been only one real attempt by them to contact us. They called and asked for a family meeting to occur without me present, as they were upset about the letter. While it was written with a lot of love and light and was only asking for them to embrace us as a couple, it seemed to only further their grudges towards us. Now it’s Easter and many months since that last contact, and sadly, we weren’t even extended an invitation to the family event today.
It truly is sad how grudges really rob the soul of love and connection. They are no different than all the comments I’ve ever made about resentments in many of my previous blog entries. They’re like a poison that slowly eats away at all the goodness and joy that one may feel inside towards another. I’ve been praying for months now for partner’s brother and sister to be filled with more love, forgiveness, and peace. And I’ve been hoping they will start seeing us in a much brighter light. Carrying a grudge though is preventing this from happening. While my partner and I would like to reconcile with them, doing so will take work on both parts. For them continuing to carry a grudge, it’s impossible for that to happen. A grudge is like placing a huge steel wall around one’s heart and the only person who can remove that wall is the person who’s carrying the grudge itself.
I truly pray to God that my partner’s brother and sister will realize the damage their grudges are carrying not only in life, but also within their own soul. A single grudge will block a person from seeing the sunlight of the spirit in both the situation it’s involved in, and eventually everything else too. In other words, it taints the rest of one’s life and only leads to holding more grudges.
Whether my partner’s brother and sister ever let their grudges go with us or not, I can’t say. Regardless, I love them and will continue to pray for God to open up their hearts just a little bit more. Even a mere fraction could be enough to snuff out any of their grudges. And I know that deep down inside the both of them is a whole lot of love they want to offer us.
So if you are someone who’s currently carrying a grudge towards anyone, I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, realize the only thing it’s doing is causing you damage inside. It’s robbing you of feeling happiness and joy, and it’s creating distance between you and others. Try praying for love, forgiveness, and peace for whomever you’re carrying them towards and know it will lead you to a desire to reconcile and a life that’s a whole light brighter…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson