There are three levels of honesty that one can have in their life: honesty with oneself, honest with another, and honesty with a Higher Power. For those in the midst of suffering from a major addiction, it’s generally likely that their levels of honesty in each of those areas are minimal to none. By the time they find 12-Step recovery, most of the people in their life are already aware of this, but usually the addict themselves is still quite oblivious to it all. That’s only because dishonesty has become such a way of life for them. Thankfully there are three of those 12 Steps though, which are geared to helping them begin the path of getting honest with each of those levels.
Step Four is the first of them and it’s all about getting honest with oneself. It’s about taking a fearless and thorough inventory of any resentments they’ve ever experienced in life. It’s involves looking in the mirror at how their own actions led to each of their resentments. It’s about taking a deeper look into any of the fears they’ve had throughout life. And it’s even also about taking a closer inspection to their entire sex conduct. Thinking about all of this is one thing, but it’s another altogether when an addict is forced to write it all down. On paper, it soon becomes very realistic just how much their disease of addiction has affected them. It allows them to face the destruction and devastation it’s created. And by the time that addict completes the writing of an exhaustive 4th Step, they will be able to see they’ve taken a huge step forward in getting honest because they’ve now done it with themselves.
As the recovering addict moves forward into Step Five, they begin to face the reality that they need to get honest with everyone else in life too. This step is simple in method but frequently difficult in execution for that addict. Telling lies again and again to others and then lying to cover up those lies were all the normal way of life for them not too long ago. To find recovery means they must break that pattern. Step Five forces that addict to read their entire written fourth step to another individual. This generally raises a lot of fear within them because it’s the first time in their life they are forced to expose those dishonest things they’ve done throughout their lives. Most choose to read their 4th Step work to their sponsor who has walked them through the steps so far. But others sometimes choose to find a clergyman, a priest, a pastor, or even a total stranger to read it to. Regardless of the method chosen, taking this action is huge for a recovering addict as it’s usually the first time in their sobriety they get fully honest with another individual. And by the time they complete this step, they have now been able to open that door even wider to getting totally honest because they’ve now done it with someone else.
The last step that’s important to mention, which is the one that helps in getting honest with a Higher Power, is Step Six. The addict’s work in this step is entirely devoted to spending dedicated time with the God of their understanding. Most sponsors will guide a sponsee in this step to take plenty of time to meditate, pray, and reflect upon the work they’ve done so far in the steps. Sitting alone with one’s thoughts and doing this action can prove to be quite challenging for a recovering addict. But in doing so, they can begin to work on developing a much closer relationship with their Higher Power. The goal in this step is to be ready for that Higher Power to remove all their addict-based behaviors. Of course, one of the major ones to be removed here is the dishonesty.
By the time a recovering addict begins to move into Step 7 and beyond, there’s a good chance they are now getting a lot more honest on every level, especially if they have worked each of the prior three steps thoroughly. Unfortunately, if they haven’t, the likelihood is that they are still remaining dishonest either to themselves, to another, or to their Higher Power. And all that is going to do is drive them right back into their addiction once again.
So if you are in the middle of working the steps or have just found them, make sure you do a thorough Step Four, Five, and Six when you get to them. In doing so, you will find yourself getting a lot more honest on every level in life, and will see your recovery getting that much stronger too. But even more importantly, you’ll be able to have better relationships with yourself, with everyone else, and with God, and your chance of relapsing will become that much less too…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson