While sponsoring another in recovery can be a truly rewarding experience, it often can be a difficult thing to do as well no matter what the 12 Step program is. Over the years, I’ve sponsored quite a few men in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and have come to accept one thing, that there are both highs and lows in doing it.
While I believe the highs of sponsorship always far outweigh the lows, those lows can still be difficult to deal with. I believe the worst of them is probably when a sponsee overdoses and dies. I experienced this first hand back in June and it definitely was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face in sponsorship. Almost just as difficult to deal with when sponsoring another is when a sponsee continues to relapse again and again. It breaks my heart each time I watch their disease drive them back out to their poison of choice and I have to continuously remind myself it’s never my fault. Far less painful, but challenging nonetheless, are those lows that can often happen during the daily interaction with a sponsee. Some of them include dealing with when a sponsee is dishonest, steals, is defiant, gives guilt trips, tries to manipulate, or makes excuses to why they haven’t done the homework given to them. Each of these things can be very frustrating when they occur, but even more so when a sponsee gets angry and resentful at their sponsor for showing them when they’re doing any of these behaviors. Sadly, many sponsees don’t like when this happens and will just stop calling and disappear, only to find out later they’re either back active in their disease or dead.
Thankfully, as I said before, the highs in sponsorship really do far outweigh any of these lows. If I were to list the one I believe is the most rewarding, it’s when a sponsee starts finding a connection to their own Higher Power. The whole point of all 12 Step recoveries is to develop this connection. Witnessing it first hand as it slowly starts to happen is actually pretty amazing. But it’s also just as amazing when developing a spiritual bond with a sponsee while doing the steps. I always feel like I make a soul connection to the men I sponsor and to me those bonds are priceless and unbreakable. Some of the other highs that can come from sponsorship include seeing a sponsee get their sobriety chips and medallions as their time in sobriety lengthens, being called upon for help by them in times of need, getting thanked by them during a heartfelt moment, and watching as they find their footing in recovery and start passing it on to others. But ultimately, it really is just a high in itself to be asked to be a sponsor in the first place and then to do all the selfless work that comes next as you guide them through the 12 Steps.
There is one last thing I’d like to mention that I think is very important when it comes to sponsorship. It helps to keep a sponsor clean and sober as much as it does the sponsee. That in itself is a perk of sponsorship, and on some level, I guess you could say it was a high as well. For all the times I’ve become down and out in my own recovery, working with any of my sponsees has always lifted me right back up and kept me focused on staying clean and sober.
That’s why I will continue to put my hand out to sponsor another as the more I’ve continued to do that, the more I find my recovery getting stronger. And the more I find my recovery getting stronger, the more I find myself growing closer to my Higher Power. And in the end, I believe that’s truly all that matters because it’s my Higher Power who really keeps me clean and sober every day. So while sponsorship in 12 Step recovery programs may always have both its highs and lows, I am extremely grateful for whenever I’m given the opportunity to do so…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
