I’m quite open about my life no matter where I am or what I’m doing these days. It’s definitely a trait I’m mentioned already in several of my writings and one that seems to benefit both my life and others. Unfortunately there are some who don’t share this view, but it’s my hope they might after reading why I’ve become this way.
Several decades ago I was active in the throngs of alcoholism and drug addiction. During those years I was dishonest and manipulative to the very core. What usually came out of my mouth back then was some type of fabrication of the real truth. No one but God and myself really knew the real me and I liked it that way because it allowed me to continue living in these addictions very easily. But below the surface of my alcohol and drug problem was a broken kid who felt alone and misunderstood. When I finally found 12 Step Recovery, it was the openness of people sharing in those rooms about their own addictions that helped me to keep coming back and not feel so alone. Soon, I became comfortable enough to share as openly about what alcohol and drugs did to me as it did to everyone else I had listened to in those meeting rooms.
Unfortunately, my problems went much deeper though than just alcohol and drugs. I carried a world of pain from my childhood into my adulthood and had just masked it with some substances that numbed me. I eventually drifted away from 12 Step Recovery because I didn’t want to face some of that pain and all that resulted in was I finding other ways to numb myself. Once again, only God and myself, and maybe a therapist here and there, knew what I was actually doing in life because I went back to lying to the rest of the world about everything. When almost everyone doesn’t know the toxic things a person is doing, it’s makes it so easy for the ego to continue going down those dark paths.
Eventually, the pain got great enough in my life to realize all my lies and secrecy was slowly killing me inside. That’s when I began to share more openly in those 12 Step recovery rooms about all my other addictions and the pain I carried inside that often drove me to them. I started opening up about the mental and emotional abuse I received in my alcoholic family, about being molested by a former coach, about being bullied throughout most of my grammar school years, about my horrendous sex conduct, about my father’s suicide, about mother’s deathly drunken fall down the stairs, and a lot more. In doing so I noticed I became more humble each time I did it, but even better, my desire to act out in any addiction weakened.
I believe the ego doesn’t want us to ever open up about the things we do when no one else is watching us because it’s those things that keep us numb and not feeling any pain. But it’s an overactive ego that prevents us from ever becoming humble and to become humble means getting honest with a lot more than just God, yourself, or one other person. Getting honest with everyone can help to smash the ego and curb those desires to stay in the dark doing any of those dark things.
I have gained so much inner freedom from being as blatantly honest about my life as I am with everyone and have seen how doing so has also had an added benefit. There are many out there who are slowly dying inside because they too have gone through similar pain and done behaviors they feel no one else has ever done. It’s one thing to talk to a therapist about it, except many of them frequently haven’t ever gone through the same experiences in life to help the person relate. But to hear someone like me share freely and not carry a burden anymore with the same issues that still plague them, can help them tremendously, as it gives them hope.
The fact is, sharing as freely as I do about my life has led many to thank me for giving them hope, but I give that credit to God, as it’s God who helped me to find this freedom. My past no longer has power over me, nor am I acting out in addictions or toxic behaviors anymore because I continue to crush my ego every time I share so openly about my life. But even better, it’s good to know that sharing as openly as I do is also helping others to find hope and healing from the darkness that may still live within them.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
