Month: January 2015

The Pied Pipers Of Recovery

There are definitely some pied pipers throughout the rooms of recovery from addiction. What are they you may be wondering? Simply put, they are the people who lure others to follow their lead, but who don’t have the purest of intentions, and who often guide people into nothing but darkness.

For those who may not remember the children’s fable about the pied piper, it’s about a man that’s hired by a mayor to lure all the rats that have overrun a town. The mayor in turn promises to pay a fee for their removal. With the aid of his magic flute, the piper entices all the rats away as promised. But when the town refuses to pay for his service, he then uses his magic flute to lead all the children away to their demise.

So how does this grim fairy tale relate to recovery?

While there may not specifically be magic flutes being utilized by anyone in the rooms I’ve ever attended, the magic itself generally comes within the words some people use when speaking. Quoting lines off the top of one’s head directly from the recovery books such as the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous or the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions can seem pretty impressive. Just like it can be as impressive when someone speaks quite eloquently with copious amounts of self-knowledge during a recovery meeting. But many of those who appear to have such an incredibly strong program of recovery and who are so alluring in their words aren’t really what they appear to be, no different from the pied piper of that grim fairy tale.

What I mean by this is how they’re living their life outside the rooms. Many have gotten newcomers to follow them, while their underlying intention was only sexual in nature (13th Stepping). Then there are those who have gotten newcomers to follow them, while their lives have been rampant with other addictions and their negative behaviors that’s just as toxic for either, such as codependency, watching porn, promiscuity, or overspending to name a few. And lastly, there are plenty who have gotten newcomers to follow them, where their character defects are still flourishing like gossiping, judging, and character assassinating. Most of these pied pipers also “shine” in various other ways by offering their house up as a place for those who are homeless, or by providing things such as free meals, clothes, and various other gifts for those who might need them. Except all of these are part of that “magic song” the pied piper plays to lure these individuals to follow them. And sadly, the unfortunate result for any of them who do is the demise of their own recovery and spirituality. I should know as I’ve experienced both.

I once was a pied piper myself, able to lure people to follow my program through my own majestic speaking and generosity, yet each who fell into my trance were unaware of my dark intentions and behaviors that plagued my entire life. Many ended up relapsing because of it, while others only grew more and more sick in the process.

I once was also lured into the “music” of several other pied pipers in recovery, only to end up being used myself for their sexual exploits, their need to not be alone, or their financial gain. With each, my level of depression and anxiety increased until I became so toxic I had to be hospitalized.

So you see, there really are those pied pipers and the innocent children they prey upon in the rooms of recovery from addiction. While the pied pipers may be able to play wonderfully melodic music through their stirring words or acts of kindness that beckons one to follow them, be forewarned that only darkness and destruction to one’s spirituality and recovery awaits on this path. Instead, seek one’s own Higher Guidance to find those who are living, breathing, and walking examples, both inside and outside the meeting rooms, of spiritually healthy individuals in recovery. I thank God for finally being able to say I’m now one of them…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

My Friend’s Facebook Dilemma

“Should I continue to do question of the day? I need at least 40 likes and comments.”

These are the words a friend of mine has posed several times on his Facebook page since I’ve known him. They are in regards to the question of the day that he places there daily for everyone to answer. While he has continued to receive the necessary validation to keep on doing his day-to-day exercise, I’m not sure he expected to receive the comments I had for him.

There’s actually a nice spiritual lesson I learned in life that specifically deals with this very thing.

Don’t let others justify where your heart is with anything…

How this lesson applies to my friend’s Facebook dilemma is this. If his heart is truly in his daily exercise, in that he fully enjoys writing a new question each and every day, then by all means he should continue to do it, even if he has but1 like. It’s really about continuing to do the action for himself, because it somehow is making him happier in life. But if his heart is not in it, and even if he garners 50 million likes and affirming comments, then him continuing to do it is more for everyone else, and for the wrong reason. And following that path is only going to be unhealthy for his mind, body, and soul in the long run.

I do my best to live by these words nowadays. In all honesty, there are plenty of times I’ve questioned whether I should continue this blog or not, because I receive very little comments or feedback on most days. But writing my blog does bring me happiness and healing as well, which is exactly why I continue to do it day after day after day. On the other hand, there are many other actions in life that I’ve done, more for someone else’s happiness, instead of my own. And while each of them helped others be happier because of it, I grew more miserable in the process, solely due to the fact that my heart wasn’t in it. The bed and breakfast I once bought for an ex-partner and eventually totally lost to financial failure is a perfect example of this.

The bottom line here is actually pretty simple. A teacher once told me to only do what makes me feel good and which spiritually uplifts and recharges me, and to avoid doing whatever makes me question whether I should be doing it at all. They were truly wise words because anytime I’ve ever had to question whether I should continue to do something or not, my heart was no longer in the action, and my existence had become more for another person’s happiness, at the price of my own.

So hopefully my friend will end up following his heart with his question of the day dilemma, because ultimately, it’s not what everyone else thinks that should matter, it’s what he feels in his heart deep within…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson 

Andy’s Woodsy Adventure – Chapter 6

Q: What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane?

A: ME!!!!!!

Hello everyone! Can you believe it’s already been over a month since Christmas? Pretty soon it’s going to be spring again, which is when my friends Jimmy and Donald will be coming back home to Toledo! Yeah! Let’s just hope their mansion on wheels doesn’t have any more toilet issues between now and then. Ewww! Gross! Anyways, here’s the next chapter in my ongoing adventure, as well as the links to the previous installments. Enjoy!

https://thetwelfthstep.com/2014/12/10/andys-woodsy-adventure-chapter-1/
https://thetwelfthstep.com/2014/12/18/andys-woodsy-adventure-chapter-2/
https://thetwelfthstep.com/2014/12/27/andys-woodsy-adventure-chapter-3/
https://thetwelfthstep.com/2015/01/04/andys-woodsy-adventure-chapter-4/
https://thetwelfthstep.com/2015/01/16/andys-woodsy-adventure-chapter-5/

Andy’s Woodsy Adventure – Chapter 6

 I rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn’t imagining what I was seeing. It really did look as if everyone were a mannequin posing in odd ways. For a moment, I began to consider whether I might actually be going crazy. But given everything I had gone through in that cave, finding out three years had passed since leaving it, and learning that my home was no longer my home, I quickly pushed aside any of those thoughts seeing how crazy my whole day had been already.

“Mom?” I said somewhat timidly, hoping somehow she might respond. She didn’t and neither did she when I lightly touched her arm either, which honestly felt no different than what any person’s arm feels like when touched.

I repeated the same process with my father, my sister, and even with Officer Wooten and Bogart, but nothing happened with any of them either. Even weirder were those people in the police station who had been talking just a second earlier. Now their mouths were wide open as if they still were, yet nothing was coming out of them.

I waved my hands, jumped up and down and then screamed at the top of my lungs hoping one of them would make some sort of a difference, except none of it did. Ironically, I wasn’t panicking though and neither was my heart racing. After what I had already gone through so far today, this seemed much less frightening. Somehow this magic crystal was responsible for what was happening, but how? As it continued to glow that purple color in my hand, I saw the spot was still blank where the Libra symbol had been.

“What does Libra have to do with any of this?” I said aloud hoping to get an answer out of one of the creepy police officer mannequins I had just walked up to.

WHOOSH…

“Son, you know you’re not supposed to be back here…” The creepy mannequin suddenly had come to life causing me to let out of blood-curdling scream.

“AHHH!”

Officer Wooten immediately came running over and asked what was wrong and how I had gotten back there. I didn’t say anything. I mean how could I, as it didn’t make any sense to me either. He promptly escorted me back over to my family who were all looking at me now as if I truly was crazy. I looked at the crystal in my hand and noticed the Libra symbol had now re-appeared back in its original spot.

“How did you get over there?” my sister said pointing to where I had just been. “I mean weren’t you just in front of us?”

“Don’t you see the symbols on this crystal?” I said holding it in front of her while my parents and the officers just shook their heads.

“Andy, I don’t see anything other than a gray rock…” Laura said sadly.

“There is! Look closer! This is definitely a Libra!”

WHOOSH…

Everyone abruptly became a mannequin again as the Libra symbol disappeared.

“LIBRA!” I said the Zodiac word again seeing if my hunch was correct.

“Andy, it’s ok, I’m sure you’ve been through…” Office Wooten started speaking. The symbol re-appeared.

“LIBRA!”

WHOOSH…

Mannequins, no Libra symbol.

“LIBRA!”

“a lot…” Officer Wooten finished.

I smiled as I saw the symbol re-appeared once more on the crystal. While I was far from understanding anything that was going on, I was excited about this new ability. For the next few minutes, I continued to mutter the word “Libra” repetitively watching everyone become mannequins and then return back to life. It appeared as if saying the word ‘Libra’ really did freeze time and was somehow tied to the crystal, as the symbol would come and go each instance I said it aloud. I ultimately decided to put it away though when my mother asked me to stop saying the word Libra because from her perception, I’m sure it must have looked like I was just going nuts saying it over and over again.

After what seemed like an eternity, my family was finally allowed to take me home, or at least to my new home that is. I was totally exhausted. After having repeated my story countless times to everyone in exactly the same way, which recounted my entering the woods and then re-emerging a bunch of hours later, it was decided that I was in shock and didn’t know what I was saying. It was obvious to me now that I was the only one who could see the true nature of the crystal, which made me wonder what other secrets I might find contained within it.

As I hopped into the backseat of the Camry, I thought about what Officer Bogart has told me during what felt like an interrogation. He said that the woods had been fully searched for many months after I had disappeared three years ago and that the only thing they had found was the huge rock I was speaking of and nothing else. The thought briefly crossed my mind that maybe they hadn’t been able to see the secret hatch just like they hadn’t been able to see my crystal.             

The car ride to my new home was rather uneventful other than my sister continuing to stare at me like I was an alien. I managed to chuckle once though after making a creepy face at her, which had totally startled her. She looked so much older to me now, and I could tell that three years had done her well. I’d probably never admit it to her, but she did look a whole heck of a lot prettier now. My parents on the other hand both seemed to have aged, more than what three years should have brought them. Each had a ton of gray hair and wrinkles all over their face. By the time we pulled in to the driveway of my new home, everyone had stared at me and smiled in silence dozens of times, all of it having felt so very uncomfortable.

After the car was parked in the garage, I asked if I could go lay down given how tired I felt. I had been so tired I hadn’t even paid much attention to the details of my new home when we had pulled in the driveway. Thankfully my parents agreed to my simple request without any further questioning and led me to the guest room where they told me it would now be my own room. I plopped down on the bed after they closed the door and pulled out my mysterious crystal that only I could see. Its purple glow soothed me and I was thankful that it was proof on some level that I truly wasn’t going crazy, even if I was the only one who could see it.

“I wonder…” I said noticing my Zodiac symbol, the Gemini.

“Gemini!” I said aloud.

Suddenly I heard a “POP” that sounded a lot like a cork coming out of a bottle of wine.

“Hi Andy! How’s it going?” An exact duplicate of me was now sitting on the bed directly next to me smiling.

As I looked down at the crystal and noticed the Gemini symbol was now the one disappeared, I grinned in excitement knowing the upcoming school year couldn’t come soon enough…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson