Month: February 2015

I just don’t get heroin addiction. I say that because someone I’ve been trying to help in recovery that had suffered at the hands of this substance for a very long time has recently succumbed back into its deadly grip and is now exhibiting behaviors that truly baffle me. What’s even more frustrating is how I just went through this very thing not more than nine months ago when someone else I was trying to help recover from this substance ended up dying from it at the young age of 22. But overall, I’ve come to the realization with this latest sponsee’s relapse that I really don’t have enough knowledge and understanding about heroin to be helping someone try to recover from it.

The fact is I never did heroin during my drinking and drugging heydays. Not once. Frankly, I was too scared to try it or any other opiate for that matter. And in all honesty, I’m glad I never did because I probably wouldn’t be sitting here right now typing this article to share it with the rest of the world on my spiritual blog.

It’s said that approximately 140 people in the United States now are dying each day from drug overdoses, most of which seem to be attributed to heroin. I read another statistic while researching this entry that said in New York City alone, at least 2 people per day are dying of heroin overdoses. Sadly, even with these horrific statistics, the percentage of heroin users is only rapidly increasing by a very large percentage every single year.

But because I have no experience with this drug, on what it does to a person, or how it changes their behaviors, I felt it might be best for me to compile a list on Heroin Addiction 101. So here goes:

Visible signs of heroin use:

• Shortness of breath
• Dry mouth
• Constricted (small) pupils
• Sudden changes in behavior or actions
• Disorientation
• Cycles of hyper alertness followed by suddenly nodding off
• Droopy appearance, as if extremities are heavy

Paraphernalia used in heroin abuse:

• Needles or syringes not used for other medical purposes
• Burned silver spoons
• Aluminum foil or gum wrappers with burn marks
• Missing shoelaces (used as a tie off for injection sites)
• Straws with burn marks
• Small plastic bags, with white powdery residue
• Water pipes or other pipe

The behavioral signs (the ones I find baffling) of heroin abuse:

• Lying or other deceptive behavior
• Avoiding eye contact, or distant field of vision
• Substantial increases in time spent sleeping
• Increase in slurred, garbled or incoherent speech
• Sudden worsening of performance in school/work, including expulsion or loss of jobs
• Decreasing attention to hygiene and physical appearance
• Loss of motivation and apathy toward future goals
• Withdrawal from friends/family, instead spending time with others with no natural tie
• Lack of interest in hobbies and favorite activities
• Repeatedly stealing from loved ones or unexplained absence of valuables
• Regularly needing to borrow money from loved ones with varying reasons
• Hostile behaviors toward loved ones, including blaming them for their own problems
• Regular comments indicating a decline in self esteem or worsening body image
• Wearing long pants or long sleeves to hide needle marks, even in very warm weather

These are just some of the many things I read about heroin addiction while compiling this list. The most common one I’ve seen amongst any opiate users I’ve ever known, especially heroin-based ones, is the excessive lying. It’s usually quite elaborate, which is exactly what a few others and I have been dealing with the past few days with this person we all were trying to help recover. They have been telling each of us something different and apparently even seem to believe their own lies.

You see that’s the crazy thing about heroin addiction that I’ve thankfully never had to experience. It truly corrupts the mind, body, and soul and causes them to do insane things like lie incessantly to everyone, including themselves, even when they don’t have to.

So as I finish this article, I have no idea where this sponsee is at the moment, what they’re doing, or whether I’m suddenly going to get a call and find out they’re yet another overdose statistic. I guess the only thing I can do and the only thing any of us can do really, is pray. Pray for them to get sober, before it’s too late, which is exactly what I intend to do right now as I head to bed…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

There are many people out there who continue to believe some form of self-will or self-control can contain and even eliminate an addiction. While there are plenty of others as well who continue to believe all that’s necessary to eliminate their addiction is to pray and ask it of their Higher Guidance. Unfortunately, most of those in either situation often stay spiritually sick and engaged in their addiction because the truth is, it usually takes a lot more work on their part to remain clean and sober and live a life of recovery.

One of the founders of AA, Bill Wilson, once addressed the aspect of self-will and self-control when it came to drinking by stating, “If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!” I can attest to Bill’s words because I tried for years to control my drinking by utilizing my self-will. Guess what? It never worked. Maybe I went for a few days, a few weeks, or even a few months limiting my consumption, changing what I consumed, or going without it at all, but inevitably, it always eventually came back to being a major disturbance in my life. The same thing held true when I tried to use self-will to control my viewings of porn. Maybe I went for a few days, a few weeks, or even a few months limiting how often I watched it, setting cut-off times for myself, or avoiding it altogether, but inevitably, it too always came back to becoming a major disruption to my life. And in all honesty, I tried this with drugs, cigarettes, caffeine, sex, and so many other things too. In the long run, it never worked with any of them either. Finding freedom from any of these things took a lot more work. It took me going to recovery meetings, doing the 12 Step work, talking to a sponsor, and reaching out to others who were still addicted, all on a regular basis. I’ve only been able to remain clean and sober and living a life of recovery from each, for as long as I have, because I practice each of these things daily now. But anytime I’ve drifted away from doing this work, I’ve consistently relapsed back into one or more former addictions.

As for prayer, it truly is a big part of my recovery as well, but prayer alone never saved me. I begged my Higher Guidance for years to remove each of my addictions, hoping and maybe even expecting some type of a magic wand to be waved over me, suddenly releasing me from their deadly grips. Guess what? It never happened. Eventually I came to understand another principle that Bill Wilson once said in that “Faith without works was dead.” We can pray all we want until we are blue in the face for freedom from our addiction, but how long do we wait, doing nothing other than our normal routines in life to see if that ever happens? I remained sick for years doing just this until I realized my Higher Guidance was waiting on me to take action as well. Action meant going to those recovery meetings, doing those 12 Steps, talking to those sponsors, and reaching out to help those still addicted, regularly. But praying and waiting on my Higher Guidance alone to make a permanent change within me generally only left me re-engaging in my addiction over and over again with ever-increasing frustration.

Please don’t get me wrong though, there are some who have gone for years clean and sober from a former addiction without doing much of anything other than using self-will and a little bit of prayer. Unfortunately, the majority of them also just transfer their old obsession to a new one, or they often find their life seriously lacking and filled with a tremendous amount of self-pity.

The fact is, I’ve never met a single person in life yet who has been able to regulate their addiction through any combination of self-will, self-control, or prayer alone and remained happy, joyous, and free in life. The only solution I’ve found that achieves this is to work my ass off on a daily basis, living and breathing those 12 Steps and following the guidance of my Higher Power. In doing so, I’ve been able to stay clean and sober and live a healthy life of recovery for a good while now. So I think I’ll continue on this path, because the one of self-will, self-control, and prayer without action did nothing more than keep me in a prison of endless relapses…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson