Every superhero in the comics usually has some sort of a weakness. For Superman, it’s Kryptonite. Anytime he’s ever exposed to it, he completely loses his powers and starts getting very sick. While I may not be Superman, not by a long shot, I will say that if living a full life of recovery and spirituality is what makes me a superhero of sorts, I too have my very own form of Kryptonite that affects me detrimentally anytime I’m ever exposed to it.
I know this may sound crazy in saying so, but this Kryptonite I’m speaking of comes in the unique form of an individual I find very physically attractive that holds strong sexual energy and acts upon it in various ways on a regular basis. Those various ways often include daily watching of pornographic material, habitual masturbating, constant sex talk, or being promiscuous in life, but are not specifically limited to those alone. Anytime I’ve become exposed to even one of these types of people and begun spending considerable time around them, all of my healthy spiritual and recovery-based behaviors were generally thrown out the door and replaced with more deviant ones in nature.
I can’t honestly say I understand why this happens. I can’t say I exactly get why being around someone who is so physically alluring to me and who holds such strong sexual behaviors affects me so greatly, other than it just does. The fact of the matter is that I’ve just come to accept that these types of individuals are my Kryptonite because anytime I’ve ever become involved with them on any level, I’ve eventually thrown my spiritual practices and my work in the 12 Steps totally out the window.
The last time this happened was in 2011 where it almost led me to relapse on alcohol and drugs and attempt suicide. Prior to that, there’s a long list of people I grew quite attached to who always seemed to undermine my recovery and spirituality in every way the more I spent time around them. The truth is, I always began caring far less about nourishing my recovery or spiritualty and far more about the sexual excitement of these people anytime I came around them.
You may be wondering right now how did I know when I got around one of these types of people? An even more important question than this is how do I know when this happens nowadays? It’s easy, as I commence to forget about everything else important to me going on in all the moments I’m around them. I forget about the friends I’m spending time with, the meetings I’m at, the plans I’ve made, or any number of other things. None of that ends up mattering to me anytime I get around even one of these types of individuals. Case in point, I was at a meeting recently where one of them was in the same room as me and I could barely focus on anything except for them the entire time I was there. It’s almost as if I get in a trance. Multiply that feeling by a thousand and you will begin to understand what happens to me if I start spending time with them on a regular basis.
So I’ve come to accept that I do have my own unique form of Kryptonite in life, which consistently seems to work against me trying to live fully in my recovery and spirituality. It comes in the form of someone I find very physically attractive that’s harboring some seriously strong sexual energy. And the stronger that energy and the more they act upon it regularly in life, the weaker I appear to become the more I remain around them. That’s why I will keep on doing what Superman does in the comics by staying as far away from my form of Kryptonite as possible, because in the long run, being around it is only going to make me sick…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson