If you’ve ever been on Facebook or are still on it, then I’m sure this situation has already happened to you at some point in time.
You send a “friend request” to someone, maybe to even a person you thought was already your friend in life. Facebook then gives you a status on that person’s page that says “Friend Request Sent”. At some point later you discover the status of that request has returned to “Add Friend”, which can only mean one thing, they’ve turned your request down. You start to question whether it was an erroneous mistake on their part or whether you never sent them one at all, so you send it again. But after it happens a second time, you begin to accept the truth. They don’t want to be your friend.
This is one of the bigger downfalls I’ve found with social media, because often someone who experiences this very thing might never find out the reason why that other person doesn’t want to be connected to them. Lately, I have had this happen to me a number of times on Facebook with people I’ve wanted to get to know, with others I’ve known casually in life, to even some I’ve known for years but haven’t seen in a good, long while. None have ever given me an explanation of why they’ve turned down my request, which has often left me scratching my head, feeling slightly down, and asking myself if I’ve done something wrong. But when this happened to me just recently with a fraternity brother of mine from college, I remembered one of the quotes I had used on my blog recently.
“If God shuts a door, stop banging on it. Trust that whatever is behind it, is not meant for you and move on.”
Could it be possible that a connection to that person, even on social media, might not be the healthiest for my spiritual path? Or is it possible there isn’t any need for me to be connected to them because we have nothing in common? Or maybe it’s something altogether different. Does it really matter?
For those I’ve either known casually or rather well in life that this has ever happened with, I’ve often gone to the place in my head where I wondered if I’ve hurt them in some way and owe them an amends. But I’ve come to accept that I may never know whether this is true or not and the only thing I can do is send them love, forgiveness, peace, and light, and move on.
As for my own “friend request” actions, I must say that I’ve only ever turned down two people since returning to Facebook last year. With each it was with people who were part of my sex and love addiction past, which I felt would be extremely unhealthy to be connected to on any level. But I can safely say this wouldn’t be the reason for any of the denials of my own friend requests because I haven’t ever sent them to those I used to heavily engage in addictions with.
So I’ve come to the conclusion that I really just don’t need to be banging on the door to be someone’s Facebook friend anymore once they turn me down. If they don’t want to be my friend, then I’m going to accept it’s God’s will and there’s probably a good reason for it, one that’s not worth wasting my time or energy trying to figure out. Instead, I decided I’m going to move on and invest it in those who have or continue to accept my friendship. J
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
A friendship is not defined by Facebook. Just because someone doesn’t accept your “friend” request doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t want you as a friend. There are a million reasons why they may not accept the request, however you can only zero in and assume on one (assumptions can get you in trouble).
I don’t accept some friends, coworkers and family because sometimes I don’t want them knowing all my business. And Facebook allows me to control that. I can still be friends with them. And I’m friends with some who I’m not FB friends with – – and I don’t assume that because they won’t accept me on a social networking site that that’s the end of a friendship. I’ve had friends who don’t accept coworkers, or who don’t accept family, or who don’t accept exes, etc.
I wish people would stop treating Facebook as THE definition of friendship. It is not. My advice: Don’t read into it as much as you are and remember their intent may not be your assumption. And don’t make friendship decisions based on whether a person adds you on Facebook.
Good insight George and yes, I agree that a friendship is not always defined by Facebook. But in this case, it is slightly different from your perspective. The few denials I’ve had are from people that developed resentments with me and that I had tried to either rekindle friendships or start new ones, but in pursuing it further learned that their Facebook denial was really a denial of wanting to reconnect. Are there some people who choose to not allow someone to connect with them on Facebook because they might not know them well, or because of privacy reasons, etc, of course. Unfortunately though, the few times my request has been rejected, it truly was them making a statement that they don’t want to connect with me in life either. I had only hoped that maybe connecting on FB might be the first step to mending bridges. But as I said in the end of my article, it’s not worth banging on a door that someone doesn’t want to reopen with me.
I’ve had several FB friend requests from my former wife, with whom I have no desire for contact after being divorced for 24 years. I have had friend requests from my coworkers in India – and to be honest, I have a blanket rule about not having FB friends from work, period. And, as you mention, FB is not the litmus test of friendship – because it’s not. Some people just don’t want to deal with FB – even if someone they love set up an account for them.