I’m a firm believer that a really close friend is someone who will be there for me through thick and thin no matter what. But with all that I’ve been going through in the past few years due to my health, I’ve discovered a scarcity of that in my life. Just recently in fact I had to re-evaluate the level of a friendship I have with someone when they told me they didn’t want to come visit if I was feeling down and unable to get out and do much. It hurt me quite a bit to hear that from them, but afterwards I realized I’d been setting this friendship at a much higher level than what it probably has always been. And the more I pondered it, the more I saw how I’ve often done this with plenty of other friends throughout my life as well.
Over the course of the past few decades in fact, I actually have met tons of people I’d frequently refer to as one of my closest friends without ever having spent much time getting to know them. Sometimes I’d even go through a month or two hanging out with someone and would already be thinking of them as a best friend I’d like to be close with the rest of my life. With all the work I’ve been doing on myself in recent years, I can see that this was consistently due to deep-seated codependency issues. Having grown up with next to no friends, I used to latch on to whomever would spend time with me and think of them as far closer than they ever thought of me.
In regards to this person who didn’t want to come visit if I wasn’t feeling healthy enough, looking at this relationship with a much clearer set of eyes now, I can see how we’ve never been as close as I wanted to believe. The two of us have communicated via the telephone on and off for years, but rarely have gone out of our way to take a trip to go see each other. Even more important was my realization that the two of us are in very different places on our spiritual journeys in life. With that being said, I was able to work through the pain I felt from their comment after re-evaluating the level of our friendship.
In contrast though, I have another long-standing connection with someone else who was planning on coming to see me for a mini-vacation this Christmas. While I was afraid that they too might not want to come see me if by some unfortunate chance I still wasn’t feeling well, they actually felt the exact opposite. Instead, they told me that even if I weren’t up to leaving the house, they’d be happy to just come spend time with me and play some cards, watch some movies, and catch up. I was so grateful to hear this after having gone through the let down I had with my other friend.
Yet, I have looked at the big picture through all of this and must say it was a really good learning lesson for me because it ultimately helped me to look at each of my friends in a much clearer light. This is why I’ve decided to accept now that when a friend truly is a close friend, it’s really someone who will want to spend time with me no matter what, whether sick or well or up or down. And thankfully I am able to say I still have one of those…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson