I often find myself trying to push, or rather control, individuals who are working the 12 Steps, especially those close to me. But I’m beginning to realize more and more everyday as I grow deeper into my own recovery program that everyone works at their own pace.
Truthfully, I shouldn’t be pushing or controlling anyone into doing their step work any faster than they are because it took me an entire twelve years of sobriety from alcohol and drugs to actually begin working on my own. So doing any of that behavior with others really only makes me a hypocrite.
The fact is that while the 12 Steps are easy to understand, they are generally quite hard to implement. Most of us who have gone through the entire 12 Step process at least once faced many hurdles along the way. Admitting our powerlessness to our addiction might have seemed the easiest thing to undertake in Step 1 because we normally wouldn’t have come to a recovery meeting if we hadn’t. But coming to believe in a Higher Power and turning one’s will over to that Higher Power, and then surgically dissecting ourselves through every single one of our character defects caused each of us to face a number of fears, some that were very deeply imbedded. Then came the admittance of all these defects to our sponsor or another individual, followed by a willingness to give them all up to our Higher Power. This frequently proved to be very formidable for many of us as well. And then came the even greater obstacle of making amends to all those we had harmed, which was the thing that often drew the most fear out of us. By the time we all reached Step 10 though, most of us were finally breathing our first sigh of relief as we began to practice everything we had learned thus far. Through self-reflection, prayer, and meditation, we started practicing this in every aspect of our lives. All in all, most of us have felt by the end of this entire 12 Step process that it wasn’t an easy one to undertake. In all honesty, it took most of us incredible time and effort to complete.
This is precisely why I’ve been backing off somewhat from trying to push or control my partner or my sponsees into doing their step work any faster, even though my ego has continuously tried to tell me they should be much further along than they are. The reality is they’re going to complete them in the time they’re meant to, as well as the time they feel comfortable doing, and not in Andrew’s time. But even more importantly is the fact that their Higher Power is the one who’s running the show, not Andrew. So thank you God for continuing to remind me how long it actually took me to complete my own step work the first time I ever undertook it. Rome was definitely not built in a day that’s for sure, especially when it comes to someone who’s working the 12 Steps.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson