Growing up Christian I often prayed and talked to Jesus. In fact, I’d say I had a pretty close relationship with him. But as I grew up into an adult and began to see how fellow Christians frequently were persecuting their own all in the name of Jesus I started to draw away from him. I became so disillusioned with this persecution, some of which that directly impacted me that I fell away from him completely. While I did still maintain some sort of a connection with God through all those years, I consistently kept a very biased attitude towards Jesus and can honestly say I never talked or prayed to him. Lately though, all that seems to be changing.
Before I get into why, let me first say that what I learned as a kid about Jesus is that he is the great comforter. All the stories I’ve ever read about Jesus have always portrayed him as a very compassionate teacher and healer, two specific traits I aspire to become myself in this lifetime. Yet through all the pain I’ve been enduring for the last few years, I found myself still cringing a little anytime someone mentioned Jesus’s name and I continued to avoid drawing upon any comfort that Jesus might be able to offer me.
Over the course of the last two months though, I began experiencing pain on a level that I pray no other ever has to go through in their lifetime. Spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical, it has felt as if my entire being has been in pain more than not. But one morning upon waking recently, I found myself with all of that going on, as I kneeled in my backyard and began to pray to God like I normally do when I start each day. Whether it was the amount of pain I had in that moment, or the buildup of having day after day after day feeling exactly the same in my body, the dam opened and a flood of tears began to burst out of me. And it was then that I found myself calling upon Jesus to come back into my life and help me.
As I sit here and type this, I feel the tears coming up again knowing that I mean what I say as I write these words. While I may not understand the Christian religion anymore with what’s going on in this world, while I may not understand the hate that spews out of people’s mouths that often involves Jesus’s name, and while I may not know what really happened over 2000 years ago when Jesus actually walked this earth, I can honestly say I don’t care anymore. I allowed my ego for far too many years to justify a complete denial of Jesus’s love for me as based upon these things. And because of this, I’ve often felt more empty and alone than I probably needed to be, going through the difficult things I have.
So with my words today, I have decided to reconfirm for the world to see, my growing openness with Christ. I wish to live my life fully with you Jesus from here on out. I ask that you as the great comforter may come back into my life in every way. Please help me to feel your presence anytime I’m feeling down and find myself thinking about giving up. Please help me to know you are with me whenever I feel alone. And please bring me that comfort and healing that I’ve always known you have to offer. I’m sorry I spent years in my ego denying you access to my heart and soul. I pray you forgive me. I love you.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
For what it’s worth, I believe you understand the Christian religion just fine. I think many of the practitioners who call themselves Christians don’t have a clue what it means to follow the example of Christ. I surely wish for you the kind of healing and comfort that can come from God.