A friend of mine recently walked into Dollar General where he promptly was greeted by one of the workers there who said “Hey, aren’t you that kid I punched back in school when we were kids?” And indeed, it was that person who had bullied my friend in his early school years on a particular day when this guy felt like it would be a good idea to hit someone really hard for no specific reason.
So how does one respond to something like this? Well, the path my friend took was the cynical one, when he replied “Hey, aren’t you that guy who did nothing with his life and grew up to work at a Dollar General?” While that might seem funny at first and almost vindicating on some level, the end result really isn’t all that satisfying to the soul. The fact is my friend still resented this person afterwards and their sarcastic response merely only added onto it.
I too have been in this exact place before and said comments no different to those I still found myself resenting many years later. The downside to making them though is that it doesn’t do any good. It doesn’t heal that wound that’s been buried for years. It doesn’t take the pain away. And the reality is that it only adds onto it. This is precisely why I decided a bunch of years ago to forgive all the people who had ever harmed me and let all that anger and resentment go once and for all. And you know, doing so has helped me tremendously.
Now if I were to encounter a situation like my friend did at Dollar General, I’d take a totally different path than those old cynical and sarcastic ones. Instead, I’d reply “Hey, yeah, that was me and while it did hurt me for years afterwards, I want you to know that I forgave you for it and I really just hope you are doing well these days. Anyway, have a good day my friend.” And with that I’d head back out the store, free of the burden, free of the pain, and free of the resentment.
Saying something like this is truly so much more powerful because it’s removing the poison from my system instead of adding onto it. And just as important, the reality is that any burden that might be remaining is probably going to be on the former bully at Dollar General because it’s his guilty conscience that’s bringing it up all these years later, not mine.
So the next time you find yourself facing someone you still have resentment towards, take a moment, breath, and try communicating to them from a place of love, forgiveness and peace, instead of one that comes from darkness and hate. I can assure you that if you do, you’ll feel a lot freer in the end…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson