Being an overly analytical type of guy my entire life has been both a blessing and a curse. The blessings have mainly come through any projects I ever undertook because with my great attention to detail, I usually have been able to complete most of them with ease and excellence. But there are plenty of times in my life as well where being so analytical has been more of a curse and this is something I’m facing in several areas of my life as of late.
With friendships, I regularly try to analyze to the Nth degree why I have very few of them. What this frequently translates into is me dissecting every aspect of my personality thinking there’s something wrong with me.
With my health, I regularly try to analyze to the Nth degree why I haven’t gotten better yet. What this frequently translates into is me questioning every element of my life that might still be causing or keeping me in any pain.
With my recovery, I regularly try to analyze to the Nth degree why sponsees disappear, why not everyone likes when I share at meetings, and why the AA promises don’t seem to be coming true for me lately. What this frequently translates into is me beating myself up and trying to push myself ever harder in my 12 Step program.
With my spirituality, I regularly try to analyze to the Nth degree why I haven’t been able to develop more connection to the spiritual realm, to my spiritual gifts, or to even why I’m here. What this consistently translates into is me adding more and more things to my daily spiritual routines, hoping any one of them might help improve those connections.
The curse in all of these overly analytical behaviors is that I become exhausted and lack acceptance. But the fact is, I know I’m doing my absolute best in every area of my life to grow. With that being said, my sponsors and teachers have continued to remind me that the rest is in my Higher Power’s control and not mine.
What they are saying is that my lack of friendships, my less than desired current state of health, my dilemmas in my 12 Step recovery program, and my longing for a stronger connection to the spiritual realm are just how they’re supposed to be right now and the only thing I can do is accept that. But trying to analyze why they are in the state is only going to keep on causing me greater suffering, misery, and pain.
So the work I really have cut out for me is to stop questioning, analyzing, and trying to figure out the entire why’s of my life. I don’t think I’m ever going to find all the answers I seek and in all honesty, for those times that I have, it’s only led to even further analytical behavior. The only solution I see for my overly analytical brain is the one I’m constantly led back to by so many. It’s to practice what page 417 in the 4th edition of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says. And for those who might not know what this is, here’s an excerpt.
“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation–some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake…”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson