Month: December 2015

Sex And Love Addiction And Boundaries

Just recently I had someone strongly make a sexual suggestion towards me that was definitely not coming from a joking around place. While I was completely taken aback by the whole incident, what surprised me even more was how they fully knew I was already in a committed relationship with someone else. Interestingly enough, I didn’t react angrily one bit to the incident solely because I too have done behaviors just like this when I was active in a sex and love addiction.

The last time this happened was over three and a half years ago now. Back then I had no boundaries and I walked over everyone else’s as well. Whether someone had a partner or not never mattered to me, I only thought of myself. More times than I can count, I made strong sexual suggestions to those I knew who were attracted to me but already committed to someone else because I was so caught up in my selfishness and self-centeredness. In other words, I only thought about what I could get out of a situation rather than what I could bring into it.

So when I used to see someone I thought was attractive and discovered they found me attractive as well, I began to play my own game to try to snag them all for me. And this of course was regardless of whether they were already in a committed relationship or not. Some used to call me a home wrecker, which today I will honestly and sadly acknowledge I most definitely was back then.

But you see that’s just what happens when one succumbs to the disease of sex and love addiction. Because in an addiction like that, the only thing that ultimately matters is one getting their sexual and intimate gratification in any way they can.

Thankfully today I can see all this quite clearly, especially when someone else is acting as nothing more than a mirror for me. A mirror that is only showing me a glimpse into my sick past where I would offer things such as a strong sexual suggestion to someone else without even thinking of how it may impact them.

Sex and love addiction is real and many people suffer from it without even knowing it. Thank God I’m in recovery for it for a good while now and can have compassion towards others who are only doing to me what I once did to everyone else. And thank God my recovery is strong enough today to keep my boundaries in place and resist the temptation that may try to come my way…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

The Love Of Christ Can Heal Anything

I truly believe that finding Christ’s love within ourselves can heal just about anything. I say this because for almost two years there stood a huge wall between myself and some of my partner’s family. But in recent months, since reconfirming my life with Christ, I have to say that my relationship with them has totally changed for the better.

It honestly seems so frivolous now what initially caused me to erect that huge wall that kept my partner and I from spending time with these family members for so long. And while that incident doesn’t really need to be brought up again, the truth is that since reconfirming my life with Christ, I’ve begun to see everything so differently, especially with what happened back then. This is precisely why I felt my heart move to personally got together with them in recent weeks and make my amends. This is why I’m writing this because since doing so, I have felt Christ’s love pour forth from within me and ease all that tension I had felt with them.

Now my partner and I find ourselves enjoying time with them again. We spent a few hours on Thanksgiving catching up and have had fun on a game night as well. It’s almost as if that entire gap of two years that passed by with relatively little communication between us and them has been totally erased. I’m definitely grateful for this and know the sole reason this has been made possible is the only thing that changed within me these last few months of my life. And that’s the absolute fact that I asked Christ to come back into my life and my heart.

I’m now seeing this same love pass on to other areas of my life lately and am watching the walls I’ve had with others melt away as well. In fact, I find myself not wanting to have any walls remain erected within me anymore because truthfully they just keep me separated from God.

So I just wanted to pass this little bit of cheer along to anyone who may end up reading this, especially during this holiday season. Because I’m thoroughly convinced now that as long as we tap into the love of Christ, that any wall we’ve ever erected between us and another can be removed.

And while I’m sure that my words today may come off as a little too religious for some, this was not my intention at all. It’s just my hope that one day all of us may tap into the love of something greater than ourselves and start removing all of those walls we still have within us. For me that something greater than myself has been Christ as of late, and as we approach Christmas Day, I must say I’m very thankful for knowing my partner and I will be spending some of it with his family this year rather than apart…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Another Reason Why Attempting Suicide Is Never The Answer

Someone I really care about told me the other day that if things don’t get better by the time 2016 gets off and running, that they are going to kill themselves. I most certainly could relate to their anguish not only because I knew what they’ve been through over the past year, but also given what I’ve been through myself during the same period of time with my own battles with physical pain. But as much as my ego has often tried to convince me that suicide is the easiest way out to escape all my pain, I’ve come to realize and accept that it’s not. And although on those high pain-filled days it may seem quite tempting, I received an article not too long ago that gave me yet another reason why this is definitely not something I should ever consider.

The article came from my spiritual teacher and was about a woman who had been going through a very long course of mental and emotional pain herself. One day she decided she had enough of it in her life and took 90 pills to end it all. In her mind, she would just drift off to sleep and that would be that. What she never took into light was the fact that maybe (a) it wasn’t her time, and (b) that the attempt wouldn’t work. And when it didn’t and she came to in a hospital bed, things were far worse. On top of all the existing pain she had tried to escape, her body was now a complete mess with a total upheaval of her entire nervous system. She couldn’t talk without feeling like there were marbles in her mouth, she couldn’t move with ease like she could before the attempt, and about the best she could do once she was released from the hospital was empty the dishwasher on any given day. She said that it was as if she was a prisoner in her own body and knew everything that was going on, but was totally unable to function like she once used to. So not only was she far worse than she was prior to her suicide attempt, she now had a very long road to physical recovery as well. Eventually she did recover, many, many, many years later, through an incredible amount of physical and mental therapies. But looking back, she stated that suicide had been by far the worst choice she could have ever made for herself.

Reading that story in all honesty, scared the crap out of me. I can only imagine what might have happened back in 2011 when I actually did attempt suicide myself. If I hadn’t escaped all those carbon monoxide fumes I was subjecting myself too and somehow stayed within them for prolonged exposure and then lived to tell about it, I too might have been left in a far worse condition than I actually have been in the past few years of my life.

So while I may not currently be in the best state of mind and body, especially over the past year of my life, I know that suicide isn’t the answer, not only because I know my Higher Power has a greater plan for me and not only because I know there are many who truly care about me. Now I have another reason to see that attempting suicide could make things incredibly far worse for myself and take even more years away from the good life I know my Higher Power has planned for me. Thank God for my spiritual teacher sending me that article…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson