Month: June 2016

When A Friend Is Unwilling To Help Themselves

Have you ever had a friend in life who keeps coming to you for guidance, advice, and support, but never seems to take it and instead continues to remain in a vicious cycle of self-defeat?

In the realm of my recovery from past addictions, I come across this quite often and honestly when I do it’s totally frustrating. I know of several people in fact at the present moment who are just like this. With each, I do my absolute best to help them, yet every time they call, they’ve taken no steps to change anything. I’m seeing now that I have to be careful not to coddle them because it’s only going promote the growth of codependence, as well as enable them to stay spiritually sick.

The reality is that there’s nothing more I can do for anyone who’s unwilling to follow any advice or take the necessary steps towards their own spiritual growth. The best I can do is maintain my boundaries and offer the same suggestions I’ve already offered, because at some point, when the pain becomes great enough for them, they’ll do the work.

I should know because I used to have various people in my life that I could call up constantly and cry about my life. But I never took the advice from any of those people. Instead I just wanted that little pat on my butt to let me know they cared. Eventually though, they stopped caring, because I never did the work.

Look, people get drained from that sort of behavior and I know I definitely drained a lot of people over the years due to me engaging in it. I still some work to do around this, but I’m far better than all those days in the past when I would do it on a daily basis. It makes sense now why so many of my friends stopped taking my calls at one point or another.

I guess the hard part these days though is how to handle this when someone else is doing the very same behavior with me, especially when it’s someone I really care about. Case in point, about a year ago, I told a friend he was in a spiral out of control when he came to me for direction. His relationship, his addictions, and his health weren’t in good state and week in and week out there was a lot of drama happening in his life. Unfortunately, he never took any of my advice and things have only grown worse ever since.

When we spoke the other day, I felt bad at first because I was rather stern about the cycle of pain he continues to live in, but I realized that there really is nothing more I can do for him, until he becomes willing to do the work himself. As they always say in recovery, people usually don’t do the work until the pain becomes great enough. I only hope that this will happen soon for my friend, because he truly deserves a much better life than the one he’s allowing himself to have.

Nevertheless, the bottom line is that I don’t believe it’s healthy to keep coddling someone over and over again who’s not willing to do anything to change their situation. The best and only thing anyone can offer a person like this is to keep giving them the same advice and pray that one day they will take some of it and finally step onto a much healthier path…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthurz Dawson

Removing My Last Bit Of Codependence And A Prayer

Recently, someone very dear to me asked that I grant them some space for a good chunk of time due to some things they were going through. I didn’t take the request very well at first and instead went into my head with all sorts of abandonment issues, self-pity, and doubt. But after some deep introspection, I realized there was a greater purpose that was meant to come out of this and it deals with breaking free of the last bit of codependency I seem to still have in life.

While much of my codependent ways have already been removed, there’s one specific area I have yet to work through and it deals with my connection to God. While this may seem a little strange to some, I’ve been overly reliant upon plenty of others throughout my life solely for the purpose of having them connect to God for me. Whether that’s been through a religious leader, a close friend, a spiritual teacher, a holistic guru, a psychic, or some other person that had strong ties and daily practices connecting to God, there’s always been at least someone in my life, at any given point in time who I’ve been consulting regularly with on what God’s will is for me.

The reality is that I want to be fully trusting and reliant upon my Higher Power, listening and responding to Their direct guidance versus always going to someone else for that reassurance. But sadly, the latter is what I’ve done for far too long, essentially going from one person to the next, asking if God has communicated anything to them about my specific spiritual journey. In regards to the person who asked for some time and space to work through some of their own stuff is an example of just one of many over the years I constantly asked for that reassurance.

But now I realize it’s time for me to finally stand on my own two feet and learn to spread my wings and fly from that nest once and for all. I know this is a critical stage in my spiritual growth and I know that remaining codependent on others to connect to God on my behalf is only going to impede that from happening.

Thus, while my ego may not be happy about having someone I love dearly ask for some space for a while from me, the fact remains that it’s actually a good and healthy thing for my spiritual growth. While I know this is a serious challenge for my ego, it’s a necessary action needed if I want to learn how to trust fully in God, as well as with my inner guidance.

So I accept that challenge. Because ultimately, I want to become fully trusting and reliant upon God in this life. I want to trust in that inner voice as well that connects me to God, but to get there, I know all of my codependent ways must be removed.

“God, this is a big step in my spiritual journey to grow closer to You, but one that I know is necessary nonetheless. So I pray that I don’t try to grasp onto yet another person to have them be the intercessor between You and me. Instead, I commit to finally taking a step I’ve avoided for all of my life. A step where I no longer rely upon another human being to intercede on my behalf to connect with You. Thus, I pray to become fully open to receiving the guidance and direction from You, instead of from others whom I’ve become codependent on to receive that. And while I know this goes against what my ego thinks and wants, I also know it’s necessary if I want to fully step into the Light. So I pray for the strength to achieve this. Thank You and Amen.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson