Month: June 2016

Respecting Other People’s Boundaries

I continue to struggle at times with respecting other people’s boundaries. While I don’t have a problem setting my own these days and making sure I keep them in place, there are times my fear gets the best of me and I end up overstepping someone else’s.

With the situation that happened recently where someone dear to me asked for some personal space through an e-mail due to some things they were going through, instead of granting that, I immediately went into total fear mode, feeling abandonment, and reacted. I picked up my cell phone and called them twice. When they didn’t answer either, I called a third time, but from my home number, which is a restricted number, hoping they would pick up. I even went so far as sending them two very self-absorbed e-mails back to back as well when none of my correspondence was being answered. All of this was due to my fear and I know none of it was in alignment with God’s will for me.

Looking back to the precise moment when I received their e-mail asking for some space, I realize there were a few things I didn’t do as the fear within me arose. I didn’t pray. I didn’t reach out to God. In fact, I didn’t do any spiritual action whatsoever.

The consequences of that were me showing a total lack of consideration for my friend’s needs and what they’re going through. So where I had a great opportunity to connect with God and ask for the strength to respect someone else’s boundary, I instead had a weak moment, took my will back, and only caused more stress and frustration for a person I truly care about.

But I’m doing my best to not beat myself up about it. Rather, I’m taking it as a very valuable lesson I needed to learn. So often in life, it’s easy for any of us to react in the flight of fear, rather than take a moment, breathe, and ask our Higher Power for guidance.

I’m pretty positive that if I had, I would have sent one e-mail in response simply stating that I completely understand, that I love them, and will be praying for them until our next conversation came down the road.

While I can’t go back in time and change this, I am going to take this energy and move forward, remembering the next time someone sets a boundary with me, that if it brings up fear within me, I need to immediately pray and wait on God to provide me clear direction.

I’m sure if I do, the result will be an action that the other person will respect me for, far greater than if I don’t…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

 

 

 

Codependent Withdrawal

Codependent withdrawal. I never thought there was such a thing until just recently when I started experiencing it. It makes sense though, because with any addiction, there is a withdrawal process that happens once a separation is made from the substance of the addiction itself.

With codependency, the actual substance is always a person and when a separation is made from that person, whether it’s for a specific period of time or permanent, the mind and body definitely responds in various ways, most of them usually being quite difficult to deal with.

In my case, since the separation occurred with someone very close to me about a week ago who I was overly dependent on, I’ve been going through anxiety, depression, increased sensitivity to those around me, irritability, development of strange physical pains and sensations, heightened fears that I can’t survive without this person, and a bunch of other uncomfortable things as well.

None of it is pleasant that’s for sure, but I know I must go through this, instead of doing what my former self would want to do, which is to find someone else to replace them. Because in doing that, I would only be reengaging myself into the same addiction, suppressing all those withdrawal symptoms, and creating another temporary band-aid until the same process happens down the road. The good thing about withdrawal from any addiction though is that it will end, so long as one does not reengage in the same behavior. And that’s precisely what I’m working to do, as I don’t want to ever go through this again.

Ultimately, I want to become more trusting and reliant on God and the Spirit within me, versus another human being and thus I need to walk through all these uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms to get there. I must admit though that there have been some days where I feel like the world is closing in on me and that I’m not going to make it through this. But I am doing what every 12 Step program tells one to do as they withdrawal from their addiction, and that’s to pray and meditate, asking for guidance from one’s Higher Power.

So I’ve been doing that, A LOT actually. And while my ego continues to plague me, telling me I can’t make it without this person being an active part of my day-to-day life, the fact is I can and will. I know this friend would tell me the very same thing and I believe that on some level, the space they are needing from me is a gift from my Higher Power to finally walk through an aspect of my life that I’ve been unwilling to ever face.

Nevertheless, the bottom line is that codependency is an addiction and there is a withdrawal process that comes along with walking away from it. While it’s never an easy thing to go through, what waits on the other side of it is a far healthier life. Thus as I trudge forward and do my best to accept how scary my life is feeling at the moment, I know that in time, this too shall pass…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson