A common misconception that people in 12 Step recovery programs often tend to make is that when they attend a meeting, it’s for their benefit. While that indeed is partially true, the other truth is that attending a 12 Step recovery meeting benefits everyone else present there as well.
Before entering a 12 Step recovery program, an addict’s mentality is typically one that focuses on all about themselves. Essentially, it’s an “I’ and “Me” type of selfish existence. But in the 12 Step recovery realm, it’s far more about the “We”, the “Us” and the “Our”. In other words, it’s more about the togetherness and not the separateness.
Why I bring this subject up is simply because I continue to see the negative impact that’s created when someone in the recovery world chooses to skip a meeting they normally attend, opting to do something else instead, just because they want to.
Case in point, for each and every person who attends the SLAA meeting I go to every Thursday night, I gain a tremendous amount of benefit from them just being there. I ultimately learn from each and every one of them and also don’t feel so alone with an addiction that once made me feel so incredibly alone. But on several of those meeting nights over the past year, the majority of those who regularly attended it, opted to do other things, leaving only a couple of us there to make the best of it, which unfortunately led to a far less satisfying gathering.
While it may be true that it only takes two people to have a 12 Step recovery meeting, I’ve personally found that when there’s a variety of people showing up, sharing a variety of addiction and recovery experiences, that it creates a far more satisfying gathering for all in attendance. So, in light of that, know that when more and more people begin to choose to skip a meeting they regularly attend, the health of the meeting suffers because of it and can often lead to its demise in the long run.
Nevertheless, this is why I find it so critical to always show up at a group I’ve committed myself to, because I know my presence there not only helps my own recovery, but another’s recovery as well. What I might share there may be crucial for someone else to hear for their own sober journey and what my presence there does is create a unity that can prevent someone from feeling that aloneness that once came from acting out in their addiction.
Of course, I do know that there are always legitimate circumstances that arise from time to time that can prevent a person from attending a meeting they’ve committed themselves to like family emergencies or work obligations or sickness or even a yearly vacation. But when people choose to start skipping a meeting they normally attend because they’re bored or because a better opportunity arises to occupy that time slot, it not only has the potential to hurt that person’s recovery, it can hurt the health of the meeting as a whole too.
Regardless, I have to thank my very first sponsor in the 12 Step recovery realm for initially teaching me this common misconception that’s often made in attending 12 Step recovery meetings. It was because of her valuable insight that I learned that as soon as begin choosing to skip meetings I regularly attend, I’m falling right back onto an addiction-laden path where life becomes all about the “I” and “Me”, instead of remaining on the recovery-laden one where life is far more about the “We”, the “Us”, and the “Our”…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
