Grateful Heart Monday

Thank you for joining me in another Grateful Heart Monday where I begin each week by writing about one piece of gratitude I have, which for today is for the change in seasons and weather.

In this area, it’s actually relatively easy to find oneself complaining about the weather at various times of the year. During late October to early April, it’s often due to the cold, cloudy, and rain or snow-filled days, and during late April to early October, it’s often due to the emergence of allergies or hazy, hot, and humidity-filled days. The complaints especially seem to pile up about the weather when having to repeatedly do chores such as shovel snow, rake leaves, clean the gutters, or cut the grass. And of course, they tend to emerge as well during those sweltering summer nights or freezing-cold winter evenings in one’s own home when the air-conditioning or heat needs to be turned way up. But even more challenging here is how the weather gets so affected by Lake Erie. Because of the lake-effect, our forecasts from the local weather service become frequently erroneous and seem to be the exact opposite of what was originally predicted. Yet, in light of saying all that, I have an immense amount of gratitude for the weather here anyway. Why? Because if the weather was between 65 and 75 degrees every day with low humidity and perfectly clear, sunny skies, I believe it would become easy to complain about that too.

Nevertheless, I find it’s those long harsh winters that make me truly grateful for when those first stems of bulbs start to pop up out of the ground in the spring. It’s those heavy winter snowfalls that make me truly grateful for when those rainy spring downpours start to arrive. And It’s those endless sights of bare trees for months on end that make me truly grateful when those first warm and sunny days begin to bring forth an immersion in color of blooms all around me.

Of course, the reverse is true as well, as I find it’s those deeply sweltering and dry summer days that help me to find gratitude when those cool fall breezes finally arrive. It’s those constant sights of solid green trees during the summer abruptly giving way to reds, oranges, purples and more, usually right around the time when I start seeing my breath in the air, that help me to find gratitude too. And it’s when I see those first white flakes begin to drop out of the sky after long periods of rain and thunderstorms that help me to find some gratitude as well.

But, believe me when I say that I’ve been one of the guilty ones who’s complained at times about the weather over the years, especially due to all that unpredictability that comes with it here. Yet, the more I’ve thought about this, the more I’ve realized my gratitude actually comes from all that unpredictability. You see, it’s because of all our weather’s unpredictability that I’ve been able to see far more rainbows here than anywhere else I’ve ever lived. It’s because of all our weather’s unpredictability I’ve been able to experience more spectacular thunderstorms and blizzards than anywhere else too. And it’s because of all our weather’s unpredictability I’ve been able to feel such an immense amount of peace and joy when one of those pleasantly warm and perfectly sunny-blue-sky days finally appear.

So, yes, I’m extremely grateful for our change in seasons and weather here and as I start this week off with this piece of gratitude, I find myself looking forward to those upcoming warm spring rains that I know are going to nourish the earth and begin to bring forth that explosion in color that our long winter has definitely kept subdued….

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

The Day I Discovered My Childhood Molester Had Gotten Arrested…

I just discovered that the man who molested me when I was around 13 years old was arrested at the age of 71 and indicted on charges of viewing and distributing child pornography.

There was a time many years ago when hearing news of this would probably have made me quite ecstatic and resulted in me saying some strong expletives along with the words, “Serves him right!” But ironically, that’s not how I reacted when I discovered this news the other day. Rather, I only felt sadness and compassion for a man who obviously has lived with a sexual illness that completely controlled him for the past three decades.

Facing 5 to 20 years now in prison, this man will probably see most of his final days here on Earth from the confines of a jail cell. While karma really does have a way of eventually catching up to people’s past toxic actions, I’m definitely glad I didn’t hold on to all that anger and rage and resentment I once held towards him. I worked extremely hard to forgive him once I found recovery from a life of addictions, because all that negativity I was harboring towards him was only hurting me in the long run.

I’ve had plenty of friends and acquaintances though, who too were molested as kids, that have instead chosen to hold onto all that anger, rage, and resentment towards their perpetrator for their entire adulthood. They claim its served them well and helped them navigate through life. But, I beg to differ.

For all the years I did the same, I only pushed people away because I refused to allow anyone to get close to my heart, especially someone who was male. Instead, I kept pretty much everyone at arm’s length and lived a very lonely and angry life inside because of it. This only led to failed friendships and relationships and entire days consumed with negativity and hatred.

While it was enormously challenging to find forgiveness in my heart for a man who robbed me of my youth and sexual development, it was worth it in the end because the freedom I gained from it allowed me to be in the healthiest partnership I’ve ever been in, as well as draw far closer to my sister and friends too.

But, there’s also something even more important I realized as I pondered the recent arrest of my childhood molester. Even if I had never forgiven this man and still harbored all that anger, rage, and resentment, his arrest wouldn’t have fixed anything within me. It wouldn’t have taken away any of that pain I once felt so deeply within. Ultimately, it wouldn’t have done a single thing other than bring someone to justice who had needed to be brought to justice long ago.

The fact is, I had to be the one to free myself of the prison I placed myself in after I got molested by this man. And I had to be the one to free myself of all the negativity I held towards him for years. Thankfully, I did just that, a long time ago, and have never looked back with anything but sadness and compassion for a man, which is exactly how I believe Jesus would look upon this sick man as well.

So, if you are someone who was molested as a kid like I was, hopefully you have forgiven that person or persons long ago. But, if you haven’t, and are still harboring anger, rage, or resentment towards them, please know it’s not serving your Highest Good in any way, shape, or form. Rather, it’s stunting your spiritual growth and only causing you to become more and more sick as time goes on. Please forgive, let go, and realize in doing so, that freedom will come. And when it does, you too will be left with only sadness and compassion for the one(s) who violated you, and at least with only those feelings remaining, you can move on in your life with far healthier connections that are based and grounded in unconditional love and light.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson