Recently, I did a Myers-Briggs test for my therapist that essentially breaks downs every individual into 16 different personality types and the most interesting thing I learned from it is how I migrated away from being an extrovert and become far more an introvert.
Ironically, 20 years ago or so, when I first took the Myers-Briggs test, which essentially is a long list of questions one answers to determine their four-character personality type, it clearly showed I was an extrovert tried and true. But in all honesty, learning that was really a no-brainer, as back then I loved being around people, I loved carrying on conversations with total strangers, and I loved talking to anyone really, with just about anything. But today, not so much, and the Myers-Briggs definitely reflected that change, which I know precisely why it did.
It all comes down to where my life is currently due to my health issues. You see, twenty years ago, I was a cocky, over-confident, and vane individual solely because I had a great computer career, plenty of money, considered myself a handsome guy, and an all-around athlete. This made it exceptionally easy for me to talk to people and I totally lavished in it every, single, day.
But zoom forward to 2010 when I began to face financial ruin, the loss of my business, a serious problem with my sex and love conduct, and a number of growing health issues, and I suddenly found myself slowly withdrawing from all my social circles. That trend would only continue over the years that followed, as my health issues intensified rather than lessened, causing me to lose all of my athleticism, my ability to hold a job, and even keep a decent physique I once worked so hard to maintain.
In the past few years, all of this has led me to become a total introvert, as I really don’t like being around people anymore, including even my partner sometimes, as I don’t feel like I have much to offer anyone. Maintaining talking points is a huge part of being an extrovert and I don’t feel like I have any of those right now.
Case in point, the number one question that always seems to arise when I’m in a social engagement is what I do for a living and boy do I not enjoy answering that question because it never leads to anything uplifting. Ditto the same sentiments if anyone should ask about my health when they see me nursing various parts of my sore body, because then any conversations I have next with them usually involves a gazillion suggestions where they try to fix me. That’s why I find the most peaceful existence these days is spending time by myself, hanging out in my yard, or down by the lake, or sitting right here working on a blog article, exposing my deepest vulnerabilities to the masses, but in an introverted way.
What’s interesting though is how quickly my old extroverted ways return, as last summer I experienced a four-day period where my health drastically improved and when it did, I found myself talking to everyone I came across and enjoying every minute of it. Unfortunately, any of those moments of noticeable health improvements haven’t lasted long. Instead, a repeated life of chronic pain and mental and emotional instability has led to an introverted existence and a relativity boring and not all too alluring personality to the general masses.
Don’t get me wrong though, I can be a very interesting person these days, especially when it comes to talking about spirituality, ascension, and the interconnectivity of all things in life, yet most people don’t want to talk about these things. Rather, people seem to like to talk more about are the very things that my life isn’t about anymore, like it once used to be. But, I’m ok with that. I’m actually ok with being more of an introvert than not nowadays.
That’s why I like working on my puzzles, coloring in my coloring book, watching my science fiction, fantasy and superhero TV shows, going to the movies, and writing my blogs all by myself, as I never have to sit in judgment by the world when I’m doing any of those things.
Regardless, I tend to believe my Higher Power always wanted me to experience this extended period of introversion solely for purposes of learning greater self-awareness and undergoing deep spiritual healing, two things of which were never able to occur in the busy, extroverted life I once lived. But I also tend to believe that my health will fully improve one day in this life and when it does, I’m inclined to feel as my therapist does in that my extroverted ways will return, except this time, I think they’ll be put to far greater use, on a Higher scale for God’s purposes, something of which I will gladly welcome with open arms…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson