Silly Joke #1
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.”
“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”
On the way home, the husband asked his wife. “What did the doctor say?”
“He said you’re going to die,” she replied.
Silly Joke #2
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The wife was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to herself, “Now how can I tell my husband that I’ve got chronic smelly feet and that my socks always absolutely stink? I’ve managed to keep it from him while we were dating, but he’s bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell him?”
Meanwhile, the husband was sitting in the bed saying to himself, “Now how do I tell my wife that I’ve got issues with chronic bad breath? I’ve been very lucky to keep it from her while we were courting, but as soon as she’s lived with me for a week, she’s bound to find out. Now how do I tell her gently?”
The wife is the first to find enough courage to admit the truth, so she walks into the bedroom. She then walks over to the bed, climbs over to her husband, puts her arm around his neck, moves her face very close to his and says, “Darling, I’ve a confession to make.”
And he says, “So have I, hon.”
To which she replies, “Don’t tell me, you’ve eaten my socks!”
Silly Joke #3
A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a 5- story
hotel with a sign that reads: “For Women Only.” Since they are
without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it
works.
“We have 5 floors. Go up floor-by-floor, and once you
find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It’s easy to
decide since each floor has a sign telling you what’s inside.”
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads:
“All the men on this floor are short and plain.” The friends
laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: “All the men here are short
and handsome.” Still, this isn’t good enough, so the friends
continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: “All the men here
are tall and plain.” They still want to do better, and so,
knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: “All the men here are
tall and handsome.” The women get all excited and are going in
when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering
what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: “There are no men here. This
floor was built only to prove that there is no way to ever please a
woman.”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
