Grateful Heart Monday

Happy Grateful Heart Monday everyone! As I begin another week with a new piece of gratitude, I have plenty of thanks for my Higher Power for a few “lucky” things that happened during a 14-mile boat trip I took to Put-In-Bay island just over a week ago now.

I use the word “lucky” in quotes here solely because I honestly don’t believe much in luck these days. Rather, I feel my Higher Power has the tendency to place a helping hand out there for me from time to time, just to let me know He’s got my back, as I feel He did in the case of this recent boat excursion.

On a warm and sunny day where the weather was perfectly pristine for a ride on the lake, my friend invited my partner and I out on his 22-foot boat that he had just purchased the summer prior after getting his first boaters license. He was more than happy to take us over to this touristy island that’s busily travelled to during summer months. I had already visited it once before, by Cessna plane several years ago, but had wanted to go back the next time by boat to experience what it felt like being out on the open waters of Lake Erie.

You see, I grew up enjoying much of the summer months on a lake myself, at Lake Houston that is, where my Grandparents once owned a home directly on that lake’s edge in Crosby, Texas. They had a 22-foot boat themselves that I enjoyed quite a bit during many of my visits there. So, on some level, I was reliving one my fonder childhood memories as my friend’s boat slowly ventured out from its marina dock and filled it up with a little gas at a waterside station along the way. Shortly thereafter, we left the channel, merging onto the lake, and quickly picked up speed. The waves gently bounced the boat up and down while I stared out into the crest of the water being made by the boat’s engine. As I meditated on that and soaked up some of the sun’s rays, I felt relaxed and had a good natural buzz going.

Within 45 minutes or so, we arrived at the area where the majority of the passenger boats dock on this island when suddenly we noticed how crowded it was. We soon discovered from a few individuals sitting on a nearby boat that it was a special weekend there for boaters and from what we were told, every dock was booked and occupied.

At that precise moment, those fond childhood memories and natural buzz I had going started to evaporate as I began wondering if I was going to lose my non-refundable $75 golf cart rental (the majority of transportation on the island) I had paid for the night before online. After checking with a dockmaster who confirmed that everything was indeed booked and being unsuccessful in getting through to the one place he suggested, that buzz was totally gone. In a last-ditch-effort, I randomly called the only other dock company nearby to only discover they too were entirely booked. When I expressed my disappointment and told the woman on the other end we were new boaters to the island and how I was going to lose my already-paid-for cart rental, she told me to hold on. A few minutes later she kindly offered us a four-hour stay at the only space they had left at their docks, that being the one they use for themselves, which oddly wasn’t occupied. I thanked her profusely and thanked my Higher Power as well.

Once docked, I raced over to the rental place, wondering if they had given my golf cart away, given I was almost two hours past the time I had told them I’d pick it up and the fact that I noticed all the other rental places were entirely sold out. When I approached the rental desk, I was pleasantly surprised to learn they had kept my cart aside, even though plenty had inquired about it. After handing me the key to the 4-person cart and wishing me a good afternoon, I was feeling even more grateful. Over the next four hours, I got to enjoy a tasty lunch at a local restaurant, gorged on a few truffles at a homemade chocolate shop, played a challenging game of mini golf, and explored a 52-degree cave, all before it was time to head home.

Unfortunately, after returning the cart and getting back into the boat where the engine was promptly started, it began smoking and sputtering a little. We swiftly uncovered it while I said a little prayer and by the time we hit the open waters again, the smoke had all but disappeared, yet I still kept a watchful eye on the 30-year-old boat’s engine. About thirty minutes or so later though, I began having another worry, one that we were heading in the wrong direction. When I opened the maps app on my phone, my suspicion was confirmed. We had been travelling in the south east direction when we really had needed to be traveling in the southwest direction. After changing course, we eventually found our way back to the channel and had just entered it when suddenly the engine let out a little smoke again, sputtered, and then died completely, leaving us drifting. But, while my friend called his boater’s tow insurance for help, I was actually still feeling pretty grateful because I realized it could have been far worse with that engine dying in the middle of those open waters, when none of us had had any cell phone reception.

Nevertheless, my final piece of gratitude for the day actually came while my friend was still on the phone with his towing insurance company. After many boats had passed us by and did nothing more than ask if we were ok, a large boat from Florida pulled up and said they’d give us a tow themselves. Ten minutes later they dropped us off at the only marine gas station that was still opened, but for not much longer. There we learned we had simply just run out of gas.

So, in the end, once we were docked and headed home for the night, I truly had plenty to be grateful for on my first boating trip to Put-In-Bay. I was grateful for my friend who graciously treated my partner and I on our first boat trip to the island. I was grateful for that dockmaster who gave us a dock to park his boat at. I was grateful to the cart rental place that had kept my cart reserved well past my reservation time. I was grateful for all those fun activities I got to do during my four-hour stay on the island. I was grateful that the engine had died once we were back in a well-travelled channel. And I was grateful for those boaters who had ended up giving us a tow. All-in-all there was definitely much to be grateful for by the end of the day, especially to my Higher Power, who I felt truly was the hand behind it all…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“Eighth Grade”, A Funny But Painful Reminder Of A Film Of Those Grammar School Years…

Can you remember when you were in the eighth grade? If so, did you feel like you fit in and were accepted back then? Or were you mostly a loner and felt ignored or rejected most of the time? It’s questions like these that the film “Eighth Grade” does a wonderful job answering for a 14-year old girl named Kayla.

Played so incredibly well by a young actress named Elsie Fisher, Kayla spends the majority of her time in the movie feeling more on the outside of everything than anything else. Left to ponder her own thoughts and live in her own world more than not, Kayla is desperate to find her voice and ultimately wants to be herself, yet is so terribly afraid she’ll be completely rejected if she does. Her only outlet where she remains true to herself is through the self-help YouTube videos she regularly records. Unfortunately, no one really watches them nor seems to ever pay attention to her at school either. Her only friend and biggest fan appear to be her sole caretaker, that being her father, Mark Day, who’s also played quite convincingly by actor Josh Hamilton. Kayla does her best though to constantly push him away, as she finds his attempts to connect with her more annoying than anything. The person she really wants to pay attention to her is a boy in school named Aiden (Luke Prael), who acts like he doesn’t care about anyone or anything but himself. Yet Kayla is obsessed with him anyway and as she comes to the end of her eighth-grade year and realizes high school is just around the corner, she begins to do what so many do in their grammar school years to fit in and be noticed, that being to act like someone else who is perceived as cool or popular. As Kayla begins to move farther and farther away from who she truly is inside by adapting to what others seem to want her to be, she may just be on the very path she needs to be, to discover her true self.

Overall, the “Eighth Grade” film was a funny but painful reminder of my own grammar school years. I could relate, oh-so-well, to Kayla’s daily angst. When I was her age and about to end my own middle school years, I had zero friends, zero life, and zero fun. Most of my life was absorbed into my studies, fictional reading, and competitive swimming. I honestly hated my life back then and never felt like I fit in. I tried my best though to still do so by often mimicking what the cool kids did and generally made a fool of myself in the process. My reality was no different than Kayla’s back then, always looking on the outside, while secretly hoping to be noticed and be accepted to make my way on the inside. Sadly, that never happened until my senior year of high school when I completely changed everything about me, even giving up many of the things that I actually liked about myself. It’s then I discovered alcohol and through it I found a voice, but it wasn’t my true voice. And in all honesty, it’s taken me almost three decades later to find that for myself, to become myself, and to remain true to myself.

Alas, there is a side effect to that. I’m back on the outside looking in and find myself now often overlooked again, being regularly left off of invitation lists for parties, weddings and other get-togethers. My phone doesn’t ring much either these days with people wanting to hang out. So, on some level, I’m back to that very person I was in the eighth grade, except this time, I’m not going to adapt to what other people think I should be. I’m not going to compromise the person I am just to fit in either. I’ve decided I’m just going to be myself, and be more like Kayla, who continued to discover herself through her YouTube videos, except in my case, it’s through my very words I write in this blog. You see it’s this blog that has become the one place where I feel like I can truly be myself and shine forth the most.

In the end, the “Eighth Grade” movie really was a funny, but painful reminder of those grammar school years and ultimately helped me to see just how far I’ve come since those days where I thought I had to be like everyone else, when I really just needed to be myself…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson