Silly Joke #1
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several months. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her simply to mail him a post card, and write “Spaghetti” on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. “Honey,” she said, “you received a very strange post card today.” “Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it,” he said. The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written: “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without.”
Silly Joke #2
A young man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Mom, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry ok?”The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat with her for a while. He then says, “Okay, Mom, guess which one I’m going to marry.” She immediately replies, “The one in the middle.” “That’s amazing Mom, you’re right! How did you know???”, he says quite shocked. “Because I don’t like her…”, she said with a frown.
Silly Joke #3
Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.So one day Farmer John called the sheriff’s office and said, “You’ve got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens.” “What do you want me to do?” asked the sheriff. “I don’t care, just do something about those crazy drivers!” So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said:SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING. Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, “You’ve got to do something about these drivers. The ‘school crossing’ sign hasn’t done a thing! So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY. Unfortunately, that didn’t slow any drivers down either. So, Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, “Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?” The sheriff told him, “Sure thing, put up your own sign.” He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling every day to complain. The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John. Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call. “How’s the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?” “Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I’ve got to go. I’m very busy.” He hung up the phone. The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, “I’d better go out there and take a look at that sign… it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers…” So, the sheriff drove out to Farmer John’s house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood: NUDIST COLONY. GO SLOW AND WATCH OUT FOR THE CHICKS!
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
