Silly Joke #1
A lady is walking down the street to work and sees a parrot in a pet store. She stops to admire the bird. The parrot says to her, “hey lady, you are really ugly.”Well, the lady is furious! She storms past the store to her work. On the way home, she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot upon seeing her says, “hey lady, you are really ugly.” She was incredibly ticked now. The next day on the way to work she saw the same parrot and once again it said, “hey lady, you are really ugly.” The lady was so furious that she stormed into the store and threatened to sue the store and have the bird killed. The store manager apologized profusely and promised the bird wouldn’t say it again. When the lady walked past the store after work the next day, the parrot said to her, “Hey lady.” She paused and said,” Yes?” The bird said, “You know.”
Silly Joke #2
It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.The florist’s son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, “I bet I know what it is. Some flowers.” “That’s right…” the boy said, “but how did you know?” “Oh, just a wild guess,”” she said. The next pupil was the candy shop owner’s daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, “I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets.” “That’s right, but how did you know?” asked the girl. “Oh, just a wild guess,” said the teacher. The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. “Is it wine?” she asked. “No,” the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. “Is it champagne?” she asked. “No,” the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, “I give up, what is it?” With great glee, the boy replied, “It’s a puppy!”
Silly Joke #3
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying:”HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.” A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, “I can’t hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type.” The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, “The sign says you have to be good with a computer.” The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, “I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can’t give you the job.” The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, “Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual.” The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, “Meow.”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
