Silly Joke #1
A resident in a seaside hotel breakfast room called the head waiter to his table. “I want two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked it’s runny, and the other so overcooked, it’s tough and hard to eat. Also, give me some grilled bacon that has been left on the plate to get cold; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze so that it’s impossible to spread; and a pot of very weak coffee, luke-warm.” “That’s a very complicated order, Sir,” said the bewildered waiter. “It might be quite difficult to prepare.” The guest replied, “Oh? But that’s what I got yesterday!!”
Silly Joke #2
A Father is asked by his friend, “Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?” “Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector,” he replies. To this his friend responds “Strange ambition to have for a career?” The father then sighed and said, “Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!”
Silly Joke #3
A man was having marital problems. So he went to his shrink. The shrink says, “When you get home, throw down your briefcase, run to her, embrace her, take off her clothes, and yours, and make mad passionate love to her.” In two weeks he was back in the shrink’s office. The shrink asked “How did it go?” He said, “She didn’t have anything to say, but her bridge club sure got a kick out of it!”
Bonus Silly Joke
QUARANTINE DIARY
Day 1: I have stocked up on enough non-perishable food and supplies to last me for months, maybe even years, so that I can remain in isolation for as long as it takes to see out this pandemic.
Day 1+45 minutes: I had to go to the supermarket because I had a craving for some M&M’s.
Day 4: Got an email from my gym trainer with a more thorough plan for dealing with the Coronavirus that’s better than any our President keeps laying out!
Day 7: There’s no sports on the TV anymore to watch, but I found this nice young lady sitting on my couch in front of it. Apparently she’s my wife.
Day 10: Losing my mind now without having any sports to watch so I started pretending to do the sport of curling with our Roomba and our broom.
Day 13: My wife is coughing now. I think we’ll be alright though because we have over 300 rolls of toilet paper.
Day 15: Could it actually be possible that I’m living in an episode of Netflix’s Black Mirror?
Day 16: The Jehovah’s freaking Witnesses still came to my door today, can you believe it?! I feel guilty though because I purposely had my wife open the door during one of her coughing spells.
Day 19: Thankfully my wife’s ok. She’s no longer coughing anymore. But I am now. Damn those Jehovah’s Witnesses! Somehow they cursed me!
Day 23: I feleeng soooo mach betta. I thik I dscvreerd the cur. Jast swalooww a fewww pammps of Puracell seeeems to haaave dun the trik!
Day 25: The quarantine is finally over! What am I going to do with all this damn toilet paper? Shit!
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
