Silly Joke #1
Jennifer watched as the cashier rang up her clothing purchases. “Cash, check, or charge?” she asked, after folding the items Jennifer had bought. As Jennifer fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. “Do you always carry your TV remote with you?” the cashier inquired. “No,” she replied. “But my husband, Jeff, refused to come clothes shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.”
Silly Joke #2
The Preacher explains that he must move on to a large congregation that will pay him more as he hasn’t been able to cover his expenses. There is a total hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave as he’s been the best leader their church has ever seen. Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the City suddenly stands up and proclaims: “If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!” The congregation sighs in appreciation, and applauds. Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says: “If the Preacher will stay on here, I’ll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!” More sighs and loud applause. Sadie Jones, age 88, then stands and announces with a smile, “If the preacher stays, I will give him sex,” There is total silence. The Preacher, blushing, asks her: “Oh my, Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?” Sadie’s 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side while his wife replies, ”Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said…… ‘Screw the Preacher!’”
Silly Joke #3
Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a farmer. One morning, on his way out to the fields, the farmer says to Amy, “The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow’s stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?” So the farmer leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down the barn. They walk along long row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, “This is the one. This one right here.” Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, “How did you know this is the cow to be bred?” “That’s simple. By the nail over its stall,” Amy explains. Then the man asks, “What’s the nail for?” “I guess it’s for you to hang your pants on,” she tells him as she walks away.
Bonus Silly Joke
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought. Soon he sees another sign, which says:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are for real. Then he drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, “What may we do for you, my son?”
He answers, “I saw your signs along the highway, and may be interested in possibly doing some business.”
“Very well, my son”, the nun answers. “Please follow me.”
He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, “Please knock on this door.”
He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door. This nun instructs, “Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway.”
He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun’s cup.
He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. Another door is in front of him, while the door he just came through locks behind him. As he opens the second door, he suddenly finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY
THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT,
YOU SINNER.
NOW REPENT AND GO IN PEACE!
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
