Silly Joke #1
A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the father of the baby. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.
Silly Joke #2
A woman who plays cards once a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke her husband when she came home around 11:30. One night she decided to try not to rouse him. So, she undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom – only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading. “Darn it woman!” he exclaimed. “Did you lose everything?!”
Silly Joke #3
A blond went to a casino for the first time in her life and noticed a sign that said: “If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER.” Shortly after that she began playing blackjack and quickly dialed the number. When they answered she asked, “I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?”
Bonus Silly Jokes!
John: It’s my wife’s birthday today and she’s been leaving jewelry catalogs all over the house.
Jerry: So what did you get her?
John: Well, she’ll be happy to know I got the hint because I got her a magazine rack!
Q: Why do Dasher and Dancer enjoy coffee so much?
A: Because they’re Santa’s star bucks!
On her way back from the concession stand, Sandra asked the man at the end of the row, “Sir, did I step on your foot a few minutes ago when I left to go get some food?” Expecting an apology, the man said, “Indeed you did!” Sandra nodded, “Oh, good. Then this is definitely my row then!” as she passed by him and sat down.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
