Silly Joke #1
As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, ”I can’t find a cause for your complaint Bob. Frankly, I think it might be due to drinking.” ”In that case,” said Bob, ”I’ll come back when you’re sober!!!'”
Silly Joke #2
Two archeologists, exploring a remote mountain in Tibet came across a huge granite statue which resembled a sitting man. It stood almost 400 foot tall, and its bodily details were accurate down to the fingernails and teeth. “It looks real enough to talk,” says one. “Lets try,” says the other and turning to the statue he asks it its name. No answer. “How old are you?” No answer. Finally. one shouts out, “What is the square root of 64?” Suddenly, the mountain shakes as the giant statue rises onto its feet and puts its hand on its chin. Then after about ten seconds, the statue answers in a roaring voice, “Eight.” “Of course!!!!” says the scientist, “… It only stands to reason!”
Silly Joke #3
A Cowboy was sitting in a saloon one Saturday night in the Old West. He recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West. The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. ‘Do you think you could give me some tips?’ he asked. The old man looked him up and down and said, ‘Well, for one thing, you’re wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.’‘ Will that make me a better gunslinger?’ asked the young man. ‘Sure will,’ replied the old-timer. The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow-tie off the piano player. ‘That’s terrific!’ said the hot shot.. ‘Got any more tips for me?’ ‘Yep,’ said the old man. ‘Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That’ll give you a smoother draw’ ‘Will that make me a better gunslinger?’ asked the young man. ‘You bet it will, ‘ said the old-timer. The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and shot the cufflink right off the piano player. ‘Wow!’ exclaimed the cowboy ‘I’m definitely learnin’ somethin’ here. Got any more tips?’ The old man pointed to a large can in a corner. ‘See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.’The young man quickly went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. ‘No,’ said the old-timer, ‘I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all! ‘Wait, how is doing this going to help me become a better gunslinger?’ asked the young man. ‘It won’t.’ said the old-timer, ‘But when the piano player finishes playin’, I’m pretty sure he’s gonna shove that gun right up your ass, and it won’t hurt near as much!”
Bonus Silly Joke
“In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?” a guy asks. The clerk looks at him and says, “Are you Polish?” The guy (clearly offended) says, “Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?! Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?! Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?! Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?! Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?”! The clerk says, “Well, no, I probably wouldn’t!” With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, “Well then, why did you ask me if I’m Polish after asking where I can find the Polish sausage?!” The clerk replied, “Well sir, it’s because you’re in Home Depot.”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
