Month: January 2021

Thought For The Day

Quote #1

“Connection – The energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” (Brene Brown)

Quote #2

“Our brains are wired for connection, but trauma rewires them for protection. That’s why healthy relationships are difficult for wounded people.” (Ryan North)

Quote #3

“In the end there doesn’t have to be anyone who understands you. There just has to be someone who wants to.” (Robert Brault)

Bonus Quote

“Having a strong desire for connection is normal and necessary for our well-being. We are hard-wired to seek proximity and closeness with others. Voicing this desire and initiating behaviors of closeness are signs of health and sanity, not signs of dependency or neediness. Valuing emotional connection is a beautiful thing.” (Alan Robarge)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Do You Ever Feel Like Any Of The Connections You Have In Your Life Are One-Sided?

If there’s one thing I really want to self-actualize in 2021, it’s to stop investing energy into connections with others where it feels like I’m doing the majority of the work to keep them going and instead do something I normally don’t do very well, which is to just let those relationships go.

For most of my life, this has been a most frustrating pattern where I find myself consistently getting involved into connections with others who rarely seem to put as much energy and effort into building the connection with me. The result of this tends to be a very superficial-feeling relationship of me doing the majority of the calling, as well as the majority of setting forth any plans to connect further.

I’m quite sure this pattern can be traced back to my childhood where I constantly sought the love from an alcoholic mother and father and struggled to get that on an unconditional level or at all. While I’ve worked hard on forgiving them for this shortcoming and equally as hard at learning to give it to myself, I still find myself allowing a number of individuals to be in my life who remind me so much of that lack of unconditional love I received from my mother and father.

I truly believe we are all brought here to have close connections with each other, to offer tokens of unconditional love to each other on a regular basis, and to show how much each other matters. Sadly, in this world though, there tends to be far too much selfishness and self-centeredness where people take more from their connections than give and rarely even realize they’re doing that.

I went through long periods in my life where addictions caused me to be just that, a taker more than a giver in just about every connection I had. I try so very hard today to not be that way and instead, show the people in my life how important they are to me. But, it is also important to me in my life now to feel that in return. I deserved that as a kid but didn’t get it and I still deserve it now, except now I have a choice when a relationship begins to feel one-sided.

Now, I need to choose to let those connections go, when they really start to become unfulfilling, when they’re no longer leaving me feeling uplifted, and tend to become more and more draining as I find myself regularly questioning if I even matter to them. Because the longer I choose to stay in those type of connections, the more I seem to become codependent, needy, and empty-feeling as a result.

What I’ve learned in my life throughout my recovery from addiction is that a real friend, a healthy connection, and a spiritually growing relationship is one where you don’t question things like this, where you don’t find yourself chasing after another, wondering why the other person isn’t calling or why they’re making greater efforts with others but not you. Because real friends, healthy connections, and spiritually growing relationships equally do the work to help it grow and generally leave both people feeling energized each time they connect, rarely leaving either wondering whether they matter to the other because each are regularly showing the other how much they do without ever even having to ask for that.

So, 2021 is going to be the year where I let all those connections go that aren’t connecting and aren’t uplifting, that feel more one-sided than not, that leave me feeling like I’m doing the majority of the work. In their place, I ask God to begin bringing people in my life now who will want to grow a deeper connection with me and who are going to leave me feeling like I do matter to them without me having to ever seek that, because I love myself enough now to know I deserve that…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Little Johnny was in the store with his Dad when he suddenly walks by the section that has all the condoms for sale. “Dad, what are condoms used for?” Little Johnny asks innocently. “Usually to avoid answering questions like this one!” His father quickly responded.

Silly Joke #2

An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. He approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud voice the receptionist said, “Yes, I see your name here. You want to see the doctor about impotence, right?” All of the patients in the waiting room snapped their head around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, “No, I’ve come to inquire about a sex change operation and I’d like the same doctor that did yours!”

Silly Joke #3

Brad and Mike are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on each other. Much of their relationship is based on pragmatism rather than real friendship or personal affection. One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Mike opens the morning paper and turns to the obituaries page. He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary in the column. He realizes that the query for info on him by the local newspaper several months earlier, was in preparation for this event. He correctly surmises that it is a mistaken entry from their database. It still excites and rankles him, so he calls Brad up. “Brad, are you up yet?” asks Mike. Brad sleepily answers, “Yeah, but I’m only now starting my coffee.” “Brad, open the newspaper to page 31.” “Why, what’s in the paper?” “Brad, get the paper and open it to page 31 NOW!” “Ok, Ok, I’ve got the paper here, so what’s in page 31?” “Brad, open the paper to page 31 already!” “All right, don’t be such a pain so early in the morning already. So, what’s on page 31 that’s so important?” “Brad, look at the bottom of column 4.” “Why? What’s that story on?” “Brad, just read the story on the bottom of the column already!” “OK, OK, I’ll start reading the column if you stop yelling in my ear!” The paper rustles for a few seconds, then a long silent pause ensues… Finally, Brad comes on the line quietly and fearfully asks, “So Mike, where exactly are you calling me from right now?”

Bonus Silly Joke

As she passed the young novices, Mother Superior said, “Good morning, ladies,” and the novices replied, “Good morning, Mother Superior. May God be with you.” But once they were past, she heard one novice say to another, “I think she got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” Mother Superior was surprised, but decided not to pursue it. Soon she passed two sisters who had taught there for years. They exchanged pleasantries, but again she heard them whisper, “I think she got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” She wondered if she had been harsh with them and vowed to be more pleasant. Down the hall came retired Sister Mary. They exchanged greetings but Sister Mary added right to her face, “It looks like you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” Mother Superior was floored. “Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? Three times this morning someone has said that about me.” Sister Mary looked Mother Superior in the eye. “Oh dear, don’t take it personally. It’s just that you’re wearing Father Murphy’s slippers..”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson