Choosing To No Longer Be Used In Friendships…

Recently, a friend of mine I once did a numerology reading for over 14 years ago texted me and asked for some more numerological advice. When I did their numerology reading all those years ago, I was paid for it and provided them exactly what I do for anyone else who has ever asked for one of these readings. Each has appreciated what I offered and never asked for any further advice, yet this friend has done it numerous times over the years. I finally decided after their most recent attempt that it was time to put a stop to it, as I realized it wasn’t healthy for me anymore to continue to do so.

While it may not take up a lot of my time to keep answering the numerology questions I have for this friend over the years for free, the reason why I’m putting a stop to it really boils down to the fact that I’m not getting anything back in the friendship. Simply put, I feel as if I’m being used, something I’ve often allowed myself to be in life.

During the most recent persistence of this friend reaching out for further free numerological guidance, I let them know what I was going through personally. I told them my life felt like it was in pieces because of the state of my health and the state of my relationship, and asked them for prayers. I told them I’d be unable to help them at this time because of it all. It truly was my first attempt to set a boundary and take care of myself and I felt far better after doing so.

I guess I should say I wasn’t all that surprised though when I didn’t get any response back from them showing any support of where I was at in life, no kind or reassuring words, only them continuing to not understand why I couldn’t just take a few moments of my time and give them the numerological answers they needed. The interaction was a strong reminder of what I don’t need or want in my life anymore, which are friends who aren’t capable of being there for me when I need them. It’s something I’ve come to see with this individual over the years, as each time I’ve reached out to them, needing a friend for support, promises get made to call me back and are never fulfilled, yet each time when they’ve needed me, I’ve always done what I could to be there for them.

Friendships like this are toxic in the long run. I don’t want friends like this because they only lead to a lower self-esteem for me. Friends like this are only there when it benefits them somehow and that’s not a real friendship. Regrettably, I know this behavior all too well, as there were many addict years of my life when I was this type of friend to others.

I’ve come to painfully learn this over the years in my 12 Step recovery work for my former addictions. I see so clearly now that friends aren’t a commodity to use when you need them and to discard when you don’t. Rather, friends are people you are there for when they need you and not just when it’s convenient for you. On some level, it’s why I’m thankful for the strong reminder this friend gave me of this, a reminder of how I once was and how it probably affected those who once considered me a friend.

The friend I want to be today for another is someone who can be trusted will be there for them when they need me, a shoulder to cry upon, and someone who will listen without judgment. I still have a lot of work to do in this area, which I so clearly saw through the actions of this individual.

Sometimes the best learning lessons in life come in ways like this, ways that might not feel so good when it happens, but ways that are necessary to evoke change. I’m choosing to act now by removing friends like this from my life, who aren’t healthy for me and are consumed more in what I can do for them, than ever being there for me, as I deserve better, and so did all those who I once used just like this. If you happen to be someone I once did this too, I truly am sorry and pray you forgive me.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Question For The Day

Today’s question is…

Having the ability to drive is a privilege many don’t have. If you have that privilege, name one thing it allows you to do far easier than if you had to rely upon public transportation for it?

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson


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Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude becomes my only focus in my writing, which for today is for a privilege I’ve often taken for granted, and that’s my ability to drive and having a valid driver’s license.

How many of you who have a valid driver’s license and regularly drive yourself to all the places you do have ever expressed gratitude for it? Up until today’s posting, I’m not sure if I ever have myself. The fact is, I drive a lot. In fact, the Toyota Camry I drive that has been mine since I bought it off a lot in late 2006 has almost 280,000 miles on it if that gives you any idea of how much I tend to be behind the wheel. Of course, to be able to drive that much, I have to have a valid driver’s license, something I got way back in 1989 in New York and have never been without since. How many places I’ve personally driven myself to since then is countless at this point in my life. Jobs, interviews, 12 Step meetings, day trips, vacations, romantic dates, friend outings, game nights, movie ventures, coffee get togethers, speaking engagements, volunteer gigs, and so much more, each having been so much easier getting to because I’ve had a valid driver’s license and ability to drive myself wherever I needed to.

After going to the Bureau of Motor Vehicles (BMV) here in Toledo recently and sitting amongst many trying to get back on the road or possibly for the first time, I came to really appreciate a luxury many don’t have in this world, many of whom I’ve personally met through the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous who lost their licenses long ago and don’t have the ability to drive anymore due to driving under the influence. It’s something I think about regularly each time I attend a meeting and hear about someone who got a DUI. Truthfully, I drank and drove illegally many times over back in the day during my active addict years and should have lost my license each time I did. Thank God I never hurt anyone back then, including myself, and thank God I never lost my license either. That’s why I was so grateful at the BMV, as renewing my license was a rather painless process. I showed up, filled out some paperwork, answered some questions, retook an eye test, and a short while later, was walking out with documents showing my approval for the new federal driver’s license.

Many of us who have this privilege to drive never realize how difficult it is for others who don’t have this privilege, who have to rely on public transportation to carry on their lives. I’ve met some who have to get up an extra hour and a half early just to get to their jobs on time using public transportation. And what about those who don’t have licenses who have to do grocery shopping? I simply go to the store and load all those bags into my car and then unload them right at my front door. Others who don’t have the ability to drive have to carry all of theirs onto buses and walk blocks and blocks just to get them home. If I had to rely upon public transportation to do any of this, there is a single bus that leaves a few streets over from my home only twice a day and doesn’t really go to any of the places I regularly go to. In fact, many of the places I drive to in this area don’t even have public transportation going there.

It’s for these reasons and many more, that I most assuredly am thankful for still having my ability to drive. Having my ability to drive and having this license in my wallet after all these years since I first got it, is absolutely something I want to celebrate for today’s Grateful Heart Monday and something I don’t ever want to take for granted again.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson