Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out “Sir, Good Evening, Sir!” The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said “Good evening soldier, nice night, isn’t it?” Well it wasn’t a nice night, but the Private wasn’t going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied “Sir, Yes Sir!”. The General continued, “You know there’s something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it’s really relaxing. Don’t you agree?” The Private didn’t agree, but the private being just a private responded, “Sir, Yes Sir!” The General, pointing at the dog, “This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train.” The Private, who wasn’t a big fan of dogs, glanced down at the dog, saluted yet again and said “Sir, Yes Sir!”  The General continued, “I just got this dog for my wife actually!” The Private finally in agreement with the General simply said, “Good trade Sir!”

Silly Joke #2

At the conclusion of the sermon, the worshippers filed out of the sanctuary to greet the minister. As one shook the minister’s hand, he said, “Thanks for the message, Reverend. You know, I bet you’re smarter than Einstein.” Beaming with pride, the minister said, “Why, thank you, brother!” As the week went by, the minister began to think about the man’s compliment. The more he thought, the more he wondered why anyone would deem him smarter than Einstein. So the following Sunday he asked the man, “Exactly what did you mean when you said last week that I must be smarter than Einstein?” The man replied, “Well, Reverend, they say that Einstein was so smart that only ten people in the entire world could understand him. But Reverend, no one can understand you!”

Silly Joke #3

An old couple is having breakfast on their anniversary when the old woman says to her husband, “Just think, honey, we’ve been married for 50 years today!” “Yes,” he replies. “Fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together. And we were probably naked as jaybirds.” “Well,” the old woman snickers, “should we get naked again for old time’s sake?” So they strip off their clothing and sit back down at the table. “You know,” the old woman says breathlessly, “my nipples are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago.” “Well, I’m not surprised,” replies the old man. “One’s in your coffee and the other’s in your oatmeal!”

Two Bonus Silly Jokes

Two old guys were chatting…..One said to the other: “My 85th birthday was yesterday. The wife gave me an SUV!”. The other guy responded, “Wow, that’s an amazing gift, an SUV!!! Just incredible!” The first guy said, “Yup !!! Socks, Underwear and Viagra!”

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. When it was her turn, she rolled the dice and landed on “Science & Nature”. Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it? She thought for some time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson