Silly Joke #1
A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. “This place,” the guide told them, “is 600 years old. The owners have never had a single stone in it touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years…” “Wow,” said one of the American tourists dryly, “they must have the same landlord I have!”
Silly Joke #2
A Canadian customer not too proficient with computers was calling the Microsoft Office help desk to find out if there was a faster way to trigger menu commands than mousing up to the menus.
Agent: “Certainly, sir. There are keyboard shortcuts for many of those commands. For example, suppose you want to trigger the Select All command.”
Caller: “Yes, I use that one all the time! How do I do it?”
Agent: “Well, you just press Control-A.”
Caller (after a pause): “Well, that’s not working for me.”
Agent: “Do you have a text document open in front of you?”
Caller: “Yes, I sure do.”
Agent: “OK, now press Control-A.”
Caller: “I am, but nothing happens.”
Agent: “The text isn’t highlighted?”
Caller: “No, there’s no change at all.”
Agent: “That’s odd. If you press Control-A the whole document should be highlighted. Try it again. Press Control-A. Tell me exactly what’s happening.”
Caller (nearing his Canadian breaking point): “Listen. I’m pressing Control, eh? And nothing’s happening, eh?”
Silly Joke #3
Every newspaper in New York sent a reporter and a staff photographer to the office of a local ophthalmologist when it was learned that he recently performed a successful sight-saving operation on the wife of the country’s most celebrated mural artist, who, in addition to paying the doctor’s usual fee, had gratefully insisted on painting one of his contemporary masterpieces across an entire wall of the doctor’s waiting room. The mural turned out to be an immense multicolored picture of a human eye, in the center of which stood a perfect miniature likeness of the good doctor himself. While cameras clicked and most of the newsmen crowded around the famous artist for his comments, one cub reporter drew the eye specialist aside and asked: “Tell me, if you can, Doctor-what was your first reaction on seeing this fantastic artistic achievement covering an entire wall of your office?” “Honest to God, to tell the truth…” the physician replied, “my first thought was, thank goodness I’m not a proctologist!”
Bonus Silly Joke
The marriage between the aging farmer and his young wife was not working out too well, especially in the bedroom, so they consulted a specialist for advice. “The next time you’re down in the field plowing and feel a yearning for your wife don’t wait until lunch time or the end of the day, but quit what you’re doing and go to the house,” said the doctor. “I already tried that,” said the farmer, “But by the time I get to the house, I am so tuckered out, it’s no use.” The doctor thought for a minute, “Ok, well, take your shotgun with you then when you leave the house in the morning and if you’re feeling that urge if you know what I mean, shoot the gun and she will come down there where you are.” A few weeks later the aging farmer sees the specialist while in town getting supplies. “How did it work out?” asked the doctor. “It was great the first three days,” said the farmer, “But then hunting season opened and I haven’t seen her since!”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
