Month: March 2022

Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday where gratitude remains the sole expression of my writing at the start of every week, which for today is for a woman named Taran Chellis New, a real estate agent in the Tampa, Florida area for the Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices Florida Properties Group, who truly was a diamond in a lot of rough for my partner Chris and I during our short five weeks we attempted to make a move for a potential job offer Chris received that ended up in the end being a bust.

One of the biggest stumbling blocks that came at the onset of Chris fielding this potential job offer was the lack of help we were given in the relocation process. The human resources department of the place Chris was to be working for didn’t offer anything in the way of financial assistance, yet promised they’d help at least provide resources when we came to Tampa for a week trip in place of our cancelled vacation to Cozumel. When we arrived in Tampa though, we attempted to reach out to the HR department to ask where we should begin our search, but we received no contact back. Because of that, I decided to ask our hotel manager, Emilee, for help. I figured she at least would guide us to something to start our search for a future place to live. She immediately got in touch with a friend of hers named Melanie who worked for the Berkshire Hathaway Group as well, who quickly put us in touch with one of their agents, Taran.

During the course of our week in Tampa, Taran made time for Chris and I in her busy schedule, even on such short notice. She took us around on two separate afternoons to see various homes for rent and for sale and even drove us through various towns outside the city to show us all the possibilities. We were provided a wealth of information from her, enough to help us limit our focus to the exact type of home we were looking for and a more precise location of where we wanted to live in the Tampa area. Even better, she got us in contact with a friend of hers, Earl, a mortgage loan broker, who got us pre-approved for a nice amount.

I was amazed at how friendly Taran was throughout it all, even in the level of stress I most certainly carried outwardly, and how she went over and above for two individuals she had never met who had no idea of where to even begin a search that felt mammoth to us. Even when we told her we probably wouldn’t be buying anything in the first three of Chris’s employment and that I’d be remaining back in Toledo during that period of time, she continued to go to bat for us, looking for rental options for Chris, sending us one lead after another.

Chris and I consistently felt welcomed in her presence and enjoyed all the time we had with her in person and over the phone during out week trip to Tampa. Taran was a true joy to be around and provided us everything that Chris’s potential new HR department didn’t. And while the whole prospect of a new life and new job in Tampa eventually fell through for us, Taran remained optimistic and said she looked forward to seeing us again, even letting us know she’d be opened to passing Chris’s resume off to her husband’s company for any potential leads.

In the end, while the move to Tampa and potential new position for Chris was one that didn’t happen, Taran was the bright spot through it all and someone we both promised we’d work with again if God were to guide us back there with another opportunity. So, Taran, thank you so much for shining through all the darkness Chris and I experienced during the five stressful weeks we had in this relocation process. You truly were a beautiful diamond in a lot of rough and while our move didn’t happen, you were the best part about it all and precisely why I’m dedicating today’s Grateful Heart Monday entry to you.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Today’s quotes follow in line for the ongoing realizations I continue to make in my 12 Step recovery from my former life of toxic addictions…

When you become a slave to someone or something and are unable to stop without help, when that someone or something takes the brain hostage and the addict has lost the power of choice, it has become a disease.” (Unknown)

“Knowing what I lost and knowing where it led me gives me strength from addiction. Knowing what I have today…my thoughts of getting high vanish. (Tangie B.)

“The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, but human connection.” (Johann Hari)

“Life always gives us exactly the teacher we need at every moment. This includes every mosquito, every misfortune, every red light, every traffic jam, every loss, every moment of joy or depression, every addiction, every piece of garbage, every breath. Every moment is the guru.” (Joko Beck)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

The Life In Tampa That Wasn’t…

There was something I was going through this past month that I haven’t been writing or talking about with the masses because it wasn’t my story to tell. My partner Chris was offered a position in Florida that would have truly been an amazing step up from the one he currently holds in his present field of expertise. The job offer came just prior to our 10th anniversary vacation to Cozumel, one I was so excited for, prompting us to cancel our trip so we could reroute to Tampa to check out the area and the potential position. After the trip ended, Chris had fully accepted the new job, immediately thrusting our lives forward on a new trajectory, one that would have had me living for a good while here in Toledo alone, while Chris worked the new job in Florida, as financially we realized it wasn’t going to be possible to have us both starting out this new life there together. While that path recently dried up with Chris choosing to remain in Toledo for a number of reasons, I learned a lot about myself over these past four weeks.

The biggest thing I learned through all of this is that I still have significant codependency issues. Honestly, I cried a lot over these past four weeks with the notion of having to remain here in Chris’s home in Toledo by myself for an indefinite period of time. I never wanted to move to Toledo in the first place, as I’m an East-Coaster tried and true. I only came here because I wanted to develop a relationship with a person I fell in love with and was willing to give up what life I had in Boston to explore that. I’ve had that now for over eight years, so the thought of remaining here where I had very little friends and connection overall and have received more rejection than acceptance led to a great amount of daily sadness within. In addition, living with the amount of physical, mental, and emotional pain I go through on most days, I’ve had to lean quite a bit on Chris at times just to make it through those hard days. I’m not proud of that fact, because for the longest of time, I was extremely independent and lived quite comfortably without the need of anyone’s help. Thus, the idea of having a life in Toledo alone and Chris a life elsewhere, where we agreed we’d only be able to see each other for about a week a month was ultimately very depressing for me.

The other thing I learned during this period of unknowingness is how much my former addictive life is still affecting me today. Life in Tampa, and in Florida in general, is far more expensive than life here in Toledo. With rents being upwards of $2200 a month for a decent place and good homes starting at $300,000 or greater, years ago, I wouldn’t have blinked at either number. I probably would have even purchased a house outright for Chris and I to begin our new lives together. But those times are long gone. I’m that prodigal son who squandered his parent’s fortune for things that didn’t really matter. I learned a very hard lesson after blowing through the majority of the money my parent’s left me. With each house Chris and I looked at with a real estate agent during our trip in Florida, I realized how much my addiction took away from me. I also realized how dependent on Chris I am financially. I began to resent myself and the life I once lived before Chris. Not having anything really to bring to the table to help make the move possible truly upset me.

In the end, the decision Chris made to not pursue the new position and ultimately turn it down, remaining at home is one that wasn’t taken lightly. It involved many conversations between us and one that I was told not to blame myself for. There were many circumstances that we both felt God was telling us this wasn’t a viable path, things that I didn’t need to get into for the real point of this story.

The real point of this story is one of addiction. Active addiction in regards to my awareness of the financial and health-related codependency I have presently with Chris, and former addiction in regards to my awareness of how much my old addictive lifestyle continues to affect me today. While I’m sad that addiction continues to play through much of my story in life, I’m thankful to God nonetheless for all the awareness, for my ongoing work in 12 Step recovery to change all this, and for a partner who continues to stick by my side, “warts and all.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson