So often I have labeled things in my life as either good or bad. But I’m not so sure anymore that I should be labeling everything as so black or white. Yesterday I received some news that my old self would have classified as bad only. Normally, I would have allowed that news to consume me on a total negative level for the rest of the day, and possibly for many more days to follow. This time around though, I didn’t let it and chose to find the gray area instead.
That day started for me with my cell phone ringing. It was my Social Security Disability lawyer calling me. Twenty minutes later that phone call ended and I had to begin to digest the fact that the judge from my court hearing a few weeks ago had denied my case to receive disability benefits. After two long years of pursuing this which involved two prior denials, countless communications to practitioners to get letters about my status from them, writing a very in-depth personal testimony, a bunch of meetings with lawyers, and a whole heck of a lot of waiting and having to learn patience, I decided it was time to let my pursuit of this go and trust in God that there’s a greater plan for me coming.
I hear it all the time in my life that everything happens for a reason. I’ve even written about that very topic in previous blog entries. These last few years of enduring physical, mental, and emotional pain have been such a driving catalyst to continue pursuing Social Security Disability. But I am leaning in a new direction today that is more positive based then negative. I am trying to see the good in everything. And in this case, while I could appeal this judge’s decision and pursue it even further for a fourth go around, I am feeling that God is asking me to let it go instead and trust in Him that something good is still going to come out of this.
At the moment, I’m not exactly sure what that is, but I’ve decided to put it all on a more positive perspective anyway and create my own story as to why I was never approved. Maybe it’s because I still have some resources that are helping me to get by and I don’t need it as bad as some others might. Or better yet, maybe all of the pain I’ve been enduring for some time now that originally drove me to pursue this, is going to be lessening or ending in the near future. And maybe in that near future, I won’t be needing any financial assistance because I’ll finally be able to return to full time employment. Either way, I’ve experienced a lot of disappointing and tragic news in my life over the years from things such as this including my parents deaths, bad break-ups, job dismissals and losses, and more where each of which have always led to good things happening for me in the long run. And none of them could have occurred if those things I labeled as bad, had never happened to me in the first place.
So I have chosen since yesterday to look at this very differently as compared to how I once might have. I give credit to that being due to a deeper relationship and trust with God today. I truly believe that something good is still going to come out of this. While I don’t know exactly what that is or what my future holds now with this new bit of information, I’m sure it will be exactly as it’s meant to be, and probably even better than how it could have ever been if things had gone the way I thought they should have gone.
I realize now that the words “Good” and “Bad” are just black and white labels my ego wants to place on things way too often. Because of God, I’m am seeing now that there has always been a gray area to look at with anything that happens in my life, I just have to be open to seeing it.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
