When each of my parents passed away at different times many years back, I was left with a nice chunk of money by each to use as I wished. For many years to come after that, I just blew through one set of dollars after another trying to fill the emptiness I had within. Soon I lost my primary means of income and became unemployed, except I never changed my spending habits. I continued to live lavishly with the money that was left me, trying to fill that hole I felt in my soul. It never worked and eventually my Higher Power helped me to come to that realization. Thankfully, all of that has changed now as I am doing everything I can these days to make sure I’m living totally within my means.
For a guy like me who lived for over a decade buying what I wanted, traveling where I wanted, and essentially consuming what I wanted, going in the exact opposite direction of that proved to be quite difficult. My ego fought me every step along the way always trying to convince me to spend money on something that I didn’t really need. The way it did this was no different then how it did it with any of the other things I became addicted to.
“This will make you feel better, you should buy it!”
This was often what I heard inside my head and carrying a credit card with a limit of $10,000 didn’t help. My Higher Power helped me to see that addiction based pattern where I had an endless procession of highs and lows that came with buying one thing after another. At first it was great to get something so coveted like the latest and greatest cell phone on the market. But after a few weeks to months, the buzz from that purchase was gone and I was off and running, looking for the next cool thing to buy. When I did this enough, eventually that buzz was lasting less and less until I was finding myself buying something new every single day. This is no different than what happened to me with alcohol and drugs. It’s no different than what happened to me with sex and love. And truly, it’s no different than what happens in any type of addiction.
Now that my Higher Power is helping me to see all of those ugly sides of addictions so clearly, I’m able to resist any ego urges I have to spend money that I really don’t have. In fact, to be totally honest, I’d love to acquire a new Iphone right now given mine is over three years old. But my spirit gently keeps reminding me that the one I have is still functioning just fine, anytime I start thinking about buying a new one. Eventually, I know this phone will probably break thus leading me to replace it, and that is another area my Higher Power has given me growth in when it comes to living within my means.
For all those years where my spending was out of control, I would always buy the best of the best when something broke. So the replacement models I sought after were consistently the most uber-expensive ones with the coolest bells and whistles. I can’t afford to do that anymore and thankfully, my Higher Power has helped me to realize this. In fact my partner and I had to purchase a mattress the other day because the coils in our existing one were mostly ruined and causing back problems for the both of us. So we started looking for a new one by going to a local furniture store. There we spent a whole afternoon looking at Tempurpedic and Serta memory foam beds beds as they have been known to be great for people with back pain. Unfortunately, their cost also ranged from $1700 to $4000 for a single mattress! The old me would have succumbed to all those pressure tactics the store employees kept giving us and I would have opened up a new credit line and financed one of those ridiculously pricey beds. I’m so grateful to say though that the new me was able to walk out of that store with my partner without buying anything. Instead, we decided to buy a knock off imitation memory foam bed for a couple of hundred dollars off the internet. While I know on some level you get what you pay for, I also know how important it is to live within my means these days.
I do see things all the time that I’d like to have where I once would have purchased them without blinking an eye. Whether it be that new Iphone or one of those extremely pricey memory foam beds, I know now that there will always be something out there trying to allure me to live beyond my means. Through my Higher Power’s guidance, I can and have consistently resisted all of those temptations. I don’t have multiple credit lines open anymore nor do I have a house full of unused gadgets and gizmos. In fact, I have to say, I’m quite happy still with my old Iphone and am very grateful today that my Higher Power helps me to keep living totally within my means.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson