I’ve often made many mistakes in my life solely because I made a decision to rush into doing something. During each of those times I’ve either discovered that I actually wasn’t really ready for the action I took or that it was never meant for me to do it in the first place. A wise teacher of mine helped me to change this pattern though when she spoke four simple words to me one day, “When in doubt, don’t!”
It seems like such a simple phrase doesn’t it? But it really does has profound truth to it. There are so many examples of times in my life where I had great doubt about an action I was going to take. In each of them, I realize now that if I had just remained patient, my Higher Power could have given me the best course to take with that action. Unfortunately, I had the tendency to never listen to those feelings of doubt, which in many cases was my inner guidance system trying to tell me to be still for just a little while longer. Instead, I usually rushed into taking some action that my brain was telling me to do, often out of fear. The results were frequently quite unpleasant in my life like you’ll see in the following examples.
The first one that comes to mind occurred when I was newly sober around the age of twenty-three. I had just come out of the closet as well and was starting to deal with the fact that I was gay. Within a few short months, I had met someone and began dating him. There were many warning signs early on in this relationship that were giving me plenty of doubt. Some of them included the fact that I had discovered he had a drug problem, massive financial issues, and was extremely codependent. I failed to heed any of these red flags and ignored all those feelings of doubt by moving in with him a short while later. Looking back, I know the reason why I rushed into this action was because I too was codependent and didn’t want to be alone. Two years later, after two geographical moves, many arguments, and a significant loss of my own money, the relationship crashed and burned.
A second one that comes to mind where I had plenty of doubt surrounding an action occurred a bunch of years later after I had met another partner who was much healthier. This time I did wait patiently for around a year to see where the relationship would head, instead of racing to move in with him early on. The doubt came a few years into the relationship when he lost his job and approached me with the idea of wanting to do a complete career change. He said he wanted to own a bed and breakfast and be an innkeeper. I spent some time with him going to some seminars and checking out some B&B’s for sale but I knew inside it wasn’t for me. When he approached me and said he was going to become an innkeeper with or without me, I got scared of the idea of losing the relationship. So I ignored my doubt once again by selling my house and investing all proceeds into one of the bed and breakfasts we had visited. Four years later, after countless disagreements and rage fueled fights surrounding the operations of that business, our relationship ended. Even worse, three years after that, the business went completely under and was sold as a short-sale.
The last one I’d like to share where I rushed into an action occurred twice in recent years. In both cases, there were two separate individuals in my life who approached me for a personal loan within a short period of time from each other. Both made great cases for the money and how it was going to save their lives. If doubt actually had a noise associated to it, I would have probably heard something as loud as an oncoming train blowing its horn in each of those cases. But given the closeness I had to the both of these people, my fear got the best of me and I again ignored the doubt by loaning them the money anyway. One was for $5,000 while the other was for around $800. To this day, neither have paid me back their loans nor are they even in my life anymore on any level.
The pain, the hardship, and the struggles I went through that came from these three examples was enormous. Sadly, they are only the tip of the iceberg of the many times I had doubt surrounding various actions where I raced into doing them anyway out of some type of fear. Because of this, I am listening these days to what that wise teacher once told me. When I feel significant doubt surrounding any action now, I don’t do anything and instead wait for direction from my Higher Power.
Case in point, I’ve been with my current partner for almost two years now, but we have lived several states apart the entire time. While I could have made the jump and moved in with him over a year and a half ago, my doubt was front and center each time I approached the decision. Time and time again I prayed for direction where many in my shoes would probably have given up waiting around for the answer to come. I waited patiently though and the answer finally came a few weeks ago indicating it was time to make the move, which I’m now preparing for.
Waiting patiently and living through the doubt is definitely a tough thing to do, especially when fear is involved. I’ve been practicing this for awhile now and it’s getting a little easier the more I do it. I pay a lot more attention to those feelings of doubt when they arise these days surrounding some action I’m thinking about taking. Each time they do I pause, pray, and wait for the answer to come no matter how long it takes. The consequences of not doing so have often proved to be quite disastrous in my life and I know that’s not worth the risk anymore. So the next time you are facing an action and feel any type of doubt surrounding it, I encourage you to take your own moment, breathe, and try to remember the same four simple words that I do, “When in doubt, don’t!” Doing so might just end up saving you a lot of pain and frustration.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson