It’s easy to get caught up in self, especially when I’m not feeling too well. But that doesn’t completely excuse my self-centered behaviors that arise during those times, especially when they end up affecting others negatively. Thankfully though, I have the 10th Step in my recovery program to handle those situations when I have:
“Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”
One of those 10th Step situations occurred recently with a holistic practitioner who I’ve been seeing for awhile now to deal with my physical pain issues. I had scheduled an appointment with her to take place on the day I was driving out of town for the Christmas holidays. My plan was to see her and then get on the highway to head towards my partner’s house. On the morning of the appointment and that drive out of town, I received a phone call from her indicating she wasn’t going to be able to see me that day. When I inquired as to why, I learned she was very sick and physically unable to get out of bed. Unfortunately, I was going through that day with an incredible amount of physical pain myself where I wasn’t in the best state of mind to listen to her very well. So instead of hearing just how sick she was, I started saying to her over and over again how bad I felt, that I was heading out of town that day for the holidays, and that I really needed her to keep my appointment. When she became even more adamant that she wasn’t going to be well enough to do so, I then asked if she knew anyone else who might be able to see me that day. The sad thing about this is that I was so caught up in myself that day due to my pain levels, that I didn’t even consider the idea that maybe I wasn’t meant to have the appointment at all.
What I mean by this is that I truly believe God can intervene at times in our lives to prevent things from getting even worse than they already are. I never put thought to the possibility that my pain could have increased from the work she would have been done on me in that appointment. I also didn’t think about the possibility that getting on the road sooner could have prevented me from getting into an accident that would have occurred from leaving at the later time. Regardless of whether God truly intervened in this situation or not, the fact remained that my appointment wasn’t meant to be that day and I struggled to accept that. Instead, I became inconsiderate of my practitioner’s poor state of health. And what I didn’t know was how much I had upset and angered her because of it.
It took me almost six days to realize it and fully take my 10th Step inventory on the situation. I felt off the entire time but couldn’t quite figure out why until my pain levels finally dropped a few notches. By the time they did, I was able to see things a lot more clearly on what had transpired between myself and her. It then became evident to me that I needed to make an amends to her, which I did both through an e-mail and verbally over the phone. And afterwards, I felt so much better like a weight had been lifted off my chest.
This is the precise reason why the 10th Step exists in all the Twelve Step recovery programs. None of us are perfect and we’re going to make mistakes throughout life. We are all going to still get wrapped up from time to time in selfish and self-centered behaviors, even if we are working a strong God-centered program. The key is to be open to seeing it when we do and then to be humble enough to admit where we were wrong.
I’m grateful God helped me to do this with one of my holistic practitioners by showing me how I negatively affected her during a moment of my own pain-filled self-centeredness. I’ve even more grateful that God helped me to humble myself enough to make an amends to her because of it. But I’m most grateful to God for the 10th Step itself, because it’s through its actions where I continue to find myself growing more and more spiritually each time I practice it.
The 10th Step is a critical step in the Twelve Step recovery programs that should never be overlooked. I encourage you to try practicing it each and every day of your life, and you’ll probably find yourself like I have, becoming a lot brighter and a lot lighter in doing so.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson