There are many temptations that come at me all the time. I’m finding this Christmas holiday season to be presenting me with many of them. Sometimes I wonder if each are tests from the Universe to see if I’ve learned my lessons and grown. The biggest challenge I face to resisting any of them doesn’t seem to come when I’m feeling great and upbeat, instead it frequently happens when I’m feeling down and in despair, like I have been feeling as of late. Thankfully though, it does seems as if the spiritual work I’ve been doing to grow closer to my Higher Power has given me greater strength this year to resisting those temptations being thrown at me.
Before I talk about those temptations, let me first quickly explain the reason why I’ve not been feeling great and upbeat as of late. It’s pretty simple actually. The physical pains I continue to endure have increased in recent months making it hard to be in tune with that Christmas joy. Because of this, I’ve been finding it somewhat difficult to navigate with happiness through the holiday season this year. Honestly, it’s been quite hard not to notice the many people who are in the exact opposite place as me lately when I’m out and about, particularly in those shopping areas. But, I’ve still been doing the best I can to put a smile on my face and be grateful for what I still have. Unfortunately, feeling down and dealing with that despair inside is what puts me most at risk to succumbing to those temptations.
I don’t believe that anyone really enjoys feeling down or in despair, especially not one’s ego. In the past, it’s been relatively easy for my ego to convince me to give in to various temptations when I’m feeling this way. One of the biggest ones I’ve faced during the holiday season is the urge to buy presents for myself. In the past, I’ve spent incredible sums of money doing this hoping it would make me feel happier. While it might have brought a temporary form of it for a few weeks, it usually only lasted until the day after New Years arrived. I was given a pretty good reminder of how this old behavior begins for someone just a few days ago when I returned to my roommate’s house after several weeks away.
Upon walking into his house, he showed me his new MacBook Pro, his new Apple TV, and his new high resolution monitor. When I walked down into the basement, I saw a new snowblower that he had bought for himself as well. But there was something else I paid more attention to that showed my roommate wasn’t in the best state of mind. That was the fact that the house was somewhat in disarray, that he was rather negative when talking about himself, and that he told me he hadn’t been working out at the gym much at all lately. When I tried to be more upbeat and tell him I hope he enjoys his new gifts for himself, he became very defensive by saying how I was just assuming he was trying to buy his happiness. What’s ironic is that this wasn’t my intention when I said that, but somehow he already knew deep down that’s precisely what his gift buying was all about. I know this pattern so very well and can remember the thousands of dollars in credit card purchases I racked up during many holiday shopping seasons.
The other main temptation I’ve faced in previous Christmas holiday seasons deals with sex and love addiction. For many of those seasons, I was single or in relationships where I was miserable. During those times, I’d always be around many who weren’t single and who were happy in their relationships. Seeing them show their holiday joy and love through their sharing of hugs, kisses, and other forms of affection with each other often depressed me. I never liked feeling that way so I dealt with it by spending hours on the web during the holidays looking at porn, or I tried to have affairs under the radar with people who were either unavailable or totally toxic. Once again, doing this might have gotten me through the holiday season with some form of temporary happiness, but in the long run, I always crashed and burned from the behavior when the season was over.
While shopping and sex and love addiction are the primary things that have been trying to tempt me this holiday season, I think it’s important to note some other ones that occasionally manifest as well. Things such alcohol, drugs, gambling, and even thoughts of taking my own life have all been thrown my way. My ego continues to try to tell me that any one of these are a better option to choose than the one I’m currently taking with my Higher Power in charge. But it’s my Higher Power who has made me much stronger now to see through these illusions as I know the pain, misery, and suffering that would occur from giving into any one of those temptations.
I believe the best thing I’m doing this Christmas holiday season is to feel exactly how I feel and not mask those feelings in any way. Of course I’d like to feel a whole lot happier than I do at the moment, but I know I’m a lot happier right now than what I’d feel like in the long run if I was to act upon any of those temptations being thrown my way.
The Christmas holiday season can truly be a difficult time for the many who might not be feeling the holiday cheer for whatever the reason. If that happens to be you, then I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and ask your Higher power to help you resist any temptations you may face this season to masking how you feel inside. While you may feel that giving in to any of them will create at least some happiness for you, please realize the resistance to all of them will end up manifesting a much greater spiritual happiness for you in the long run.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson