My New York Christmas Story – Part I

New York City is quite magical during the Christmas holidays. While many movies do their best to portray this, my family liked seeing this first hand when I was a kid. That would happen early on a Saturday morning in the first or second week of December and it was then my family would board a Metro North train in Poughkeepsie to head to New York City for the day. I don’t remember how many times we did this outing, but what I do remember is how special each of them were to me.

They always began in Grand Central Station a few hours later where we would begin our day by heading into one of the several bakeries there. Chocolate croissants, buttered hard rolls, hot chocolates, and warm coffees in hands, we would all then venture out of the train station onto the busy streets of New York City. There was a particular smell that I grew quite fond over the years that hit me once I began walking with my family towards Macy’s, which was always our first stop. That smell was a combination of the roasting chestnuts, hot pretzels, and sizzling hot dogs on the grills from the many food stands we’d pass by along the way. My father made it a ritual to consume each of them during the course of the day and I specifically liked the slathering of a lot of mustard on a salty pretzel the most.

By the time we arrived at Macy’s on 34th Street and Herald Square, we consistently were freezing cold. I really can’t ever remember a warm Christmas outing in the city back then, but I was always quick to forget about the cold once I saw this store’s unique window displays looming in front of me. I never knew who was responsible for decorating them, but they definitely wowed me every single time I saw them. So as my family sifted through the line with the many others to see them, I was mesmerized by their moving parts going in various directions. At the end of this window show, my family would next walk into the main entrance of Macy’s with a smile. That’s also partially because we liked seeing the two Salvation Army people stationed at that door ringing their bells, dancing to Christmas music, and thanking people for donations in their red kettle.

Walking into Macy’s was always an absolutely breathtaking experience for me during the Christmas Holiday season. The store was filled everywhere with holiday tress, lights, and decorations. Even many of the store’s employees wore festive outfits while they worked. The pinnacle of my visit to Macy’s back then though was the ascent upwards through smaller and smaller fitting escalators that went from modernized to old wooden ones. At the top of that ascent was Santa’s Village where my family waited patiently in a long line for what generally seemed like hours just so my sister and I could walk through the village and sit on Santa’s lap. The wait was always worth it though.

When we left Macy’s, it was on to Times Square, which in my opinion, always looked like Christmas year round with all its brightly lit signs that existed high up on buildings there. There we would get lunch somewhere in that vicinity where my father always found some unique eatery for us to dine at. I specifically remember enjoying those oozing slices of oily New York Pizza and mile high sub sandwiches I’d get year after year.

After our bellies were full, it was onto Central Park to see the horse drawn carriages with their Christmas lights on their carts and the skaters that skid across the ice on the rink in the front of it. A hop, skip, and jump away from there was our next destination, which was FAO Schwartz. This toy store was once considered the largest in the country and it invariably held the most distinct toys and things such as huge stuffed animals, a tall moving tower with a smiling clock, a large piano you could walk across that was made famous in the movie Big, huge lego monstrosities, and so much more. To get into this store and see all these things though, we had to wait in another long line that wrapped around a building in the blustery cold. It too always ended up being worth the wait for me.

Upon leaving FAO Schwartz, my family would head down 5th Avenue stopping in many of the brightly lit retail stores. My favorite was the Warner Brothers store which sadly, no longer exists there. My parents were preferential to Trump Towers because of its gold colored glamor and glitz that existed within it’s walls. Next was our quiet walk into St. Patricks Cathedral and a silent rest in the pews while we regained our stamina.

By the time we emerged from there, it usually was dark so we headed over to Rockefeller Center to see the mammoth Christmas tree lit up and the skaters on the rink swishing around on the ice below it. If I was to place one moment to be the most magical filled on our annual Christmas outing, it would have been that one, maybe because it’s how that trip always ended for us each year.

Well actually, the real end to this trip was our rush from Rockefeller Center to the train station to catch the next one going to Poughkeepsie. On our way there was usually a grab and go of something to eat. But once those doors were safely closed on the train and us all in our seats, my eyes would get heavy and close with my final thoughts for the day always being the same. That I was able to truly enjoy my own very special New York Christmas Story.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

The Disease of Being Negative…

Have you ever noticed how being negative breeds only one thing, more negativity?!

Have you ever been around a negative person or a group of people long enough who were being so negative that you ended up becoming that way too?

Negativity is like a disease that spreads quite easily. I often compare being negative to that of drinking alcohol or taking illegal drugs while trying to get over the flu. I know that might sound like a drastic example to provide but there’s great truth to it. When a person has the flu, aren’t they normally advised to get bed rest and drink lots of clear fluids to help their body flush out their sickness? Would that happen if a person decides to consume alcohol or take illegal drugs while they are sick like that? Of course not. Doing either would only weaken their immune system, making it that much harder to fight off their flu. While I’m not sick right now with a diagnosed illness or disease, I am currently in the process of doing everything I can to heal my mind, body, and soul from all the toxic stuff I’ve done to them throughout this life and all previous lives. (Yes, I do believe in reincarnation, but more on that in a future posting.) Thus I know now that doing anything like drinking alcohol, taking illegal drugs, and even doing something like being habitually negative would jeopardize my healing process.

This is the main reason why I have been spending more time alone lately than not. Unfortunately though, it often seems as if there are a lot of negative people in this world who would rather focus on everything they perceive is going wrong in this world rather than on what actually might be going right. When I’ve spent time around any of those people, I have found myself becoming just like them. It may start out innocently with me joining in on a conversation that’s bashing someone or something in some way, but it always eventually leads to me looking at the rest of my life through a negative set of glasses. Ultimately, when I participate in that long enough, my life turns into one negative mess where I can’t see anything positively.

Doctors and scientists have proven that being positive leads to a healthier body. They’ve also proven that being negative can lead to further sickness in the body. I can’t handle anymore sickness in my body thus I am very cautions these days on who I spend time around. So when I happen to be around anyone these days who is becoming too negative, I always follow one of three paths.

I remain silent.

or

I try to change the topic.

or

I remove myself from the negative situation until it improves.

Some may feel that being negative with others feels good. It’s a common misbelief that can happen when people come together and find they share similar negative beliefs about things. Others may feel that being negative may feel good because it often invokes compassion and support from another. Then there’s those who may feel good being negative solely by themselves because they have found some level of comfort in being that way consistently. And while all of those people in each of those different situations may feel ok with being negative, all its doing in the long run is poisoning their bodies, their minds, and their souls. The healthiest thing though for each of them is to try to be as positive as possible in all things.

In my case, I have found it difficult to do at times lately because of the amount of physical pain I’ve been feeling. This has led me to occasionally veering off that path of positivity and spewing out a bunch of negativity instead. The down side of doing this has always been me feeling worse at some point later. While I don’t believe that it’s humanly possible to be perfectly positive all the time, I do believe that it’s important to strive for it as much as possible. For the moment, the best things I know I can do when it comes to my physical pain issues is to ignore my ego’s negative thoughts by telling myself I’m going to completely heal, and keeping myself away from negative people as much as possible.

The bottom line comes down to this with being negative. Whether it’s by myself or with others, it’s just not a healthy thing to do, especially given that I’m trying to heal so much of myself. Being negative works a lot like a disease and brings about nothing more than sickness, darkness and unspiritual-like behaviors. Thankfully, God is helping me to do what I can these days to remain positive, even in all the adversity I continue to go through. I encourage all of you to do the same and together I know we will all become so much brighter because of it.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Facing Those Christmas Holiday Season Temptations

There are many temptations that come at me all the time. I’m finding this Christmas holiday season to be presenting me with many of them. Sometimes I wonder if each are tests from the Universe to see if I’ve learned my lessons and grown. The biggest challenge I face to resisting any of them doesn’t seem to come when I’m feeling great and upbeat, instead it frequently happens when I’m feeling down and in despair, like I have been feeling as of late. Thankfully though, it does seems as if the spiritual work I’ve been doing to grow closer to my Higher Power has given me greater strength this year to resisting those temptations being thrown at me.

Before I talk about those temptations, let me first quickly explain the reason why I’ve not been feeling great and upbeat as of late. It’s pretty simple actually. The physical pains I continue to endure have increased in recent months making it hard to be in tune with that Christmas joy. Because of this, I’ve been finding it somewhat difficult to navigate with happiness through the holiday season this year. Honestly, it’s been quite hard not to notice the many people who are in the exact opposite place as me lately when I’m out and about, particularly in those shopping areas. But, I’ve still been doing the best I can to put a smile on my face and be grateful for what I still have. Unfortunately, feeling down and dealing with that despair inside is what puts me most at risk to succumbing to those temptations.

I don’t believe that anyone really enjoys feeling down or in despair, especially not one’s ego. In the past, it’s been relatively easy for my ego to convince me to give in to various temptations when I’m feeling this way. One of the biggest ones I’ve faced during the holiday season is the urge to buy presents for myself. In the past, I’ve spent incredible sums of money doing this hoping it would make me feel happier. While it might have brought a temporary form of it for a few weeks, it usually only lasted until the day after New Years arrived. I was given a pretty good reminder of how this old behavior begins for someone just a few days ago when I returned to my roommate’s house after several weeks away.

Upon walking into his house, he showed me his new MacBook Pro, his new Apple TV, and his new high resolution monitor. When I walked down into the basement, I saw a new snowblower that he had bought for himself as well. But there was something else I paid more attention to that showed my roommate wasn’t in the best state of mind. That was the fact that the house was somewhat in disarray, that he was rather negative when talking about himself, and that he told me he hadn’t been working out at the gym much at all lately. When I tried to be more upbeat and tell him I hope he enjoys his new gifts for himself, he became very defensive by saying how I was just assuming he was trying to buy his happiness. What’s ironic is that this wasn’t my intention when I said that, but somehow he already knew deep down that’s precisely what his gift buying was all about. I know this pattern so very well and can remember the thousands of dollars in credit card purchases I racked up during many holiday shopping seasons.

The other main temptation I’ve faced in previous Christmas holiday seasons deals with sex and love addiction. For many of those seasons, I was single or in relationships where I was miserable. During those times, I’d always be around many who weren’t single and who were happy in their relationships. Seeing them show their holiday joy and love through their sharing of hugs, kisses, and other forms of affection with each other often depressed me. I never liked feeling that way so I dealt with it by spending hours on the web during the holidays looking at porn, or I tried to have affairs under the radar with people who were either unavailable or totally toxic. Once again, doing this might have gotten me through the holiday season with some form of temporary happiness, but in the long run, I always crashed and burned from the behavior when the season was over.

While shopping and sex and love addiction are the primary things that have been trying to tempt me this holiday season, I think it’s important to note some other ones that occasionally manifest as well. Things such alcohol, drugs, gambling, and even thoughts of taking my own life have all been thrown my way. My ego continues to try to tell me that any one of these are a better option to choose than the one I’m currently taking with my Higher Power in charge. But it’s my Higher Power who has made me much stronger now to see through these illusions as I know the pain, misery, and suffering that would occur from giving into any one of those temptations.

I believe the best thing I’m doing this Christmas holiday season is to feel exactly how I feel and not mask those feelings in any way. Of course I’d like to feel a whole lot happier than I do at the moment, but I know I’m a lot happier right now than what I’d feel like in the long run if I was to act upon any of those temptations being thrown my way.

The Christmas holiday season can truly be a difficult time for the many who might not be feeling the holiday cheer for whatever the reason. If that happens to be you, then I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and ask your Higher power to help you resist any temptations you may face this season to masking how you feel inside. While you may feel that giving in to any of them will create at least some happiness for you, please realize the resistance to all of them will end up manifesting a much greater spiritual happiness for you in the long run.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson