Month: March 2014

Committed relationships are hard work. Some say it’s like having a full time job. And the truth is, they’re right. Both people must be open and willing to do the work that’s necessary to see their relationship grow. Unfortunately, too many of them often dissolve because one or both were more selfish than not towards each other. But for those that last for a great many years, one of the main reasons is due to the amount of selflessness that’s demonstrated by both partners within it. This is why my partner and I decided recently to add something to our daily routine with each other to help ensure our relationship’s growth and not demise. We call it “The Selfish And Selfless Exercise”.

We begin this exercise each night now before going to bed by sitting down, facing each other, and making complete eye contact. It’s then one of us will take the time to reflect upon where the other has been selfless in their actions during that day. We find it’s important to share those compliments first, as they don’t usually have the tendency to affect the ego in any negative way. Once that’s done, then the same person will share their constructive criticism about where the other has been selfish in their actions during that day. One ground rule we have during this round is that the person receiving the comments is to be silent and not provide any rebuttal or defense. Doing so would undermine the purpose of this whole exercise. Of course, when one of us is completely done sharing our reflection of the other’s selfless and selfish actions, the roles then reverse.

So far, this seems to be helping us immensely because it sheds lights upon the areas of our life that are spiritually growing and those that are not. My partner and I both know we still have many areas of selfishness to work through in various facets of our lives. But neither one of us has the desire to see our relationship fail, like so many others seem to be doing these days. That being said, we realize now that any of that selfishness needs to be removed or it will end up undermining our relationship’s growth potential. I’m so very grateful to my Higher Power today for having a partner who is open to doing an exercise like this each and every day. While it may prove to be challenging at times for each of our egos, we both agree how invaluable a tool it’s becoming to seeing our relationship grow.

So if you are in a relationship and have the tendency to think about yourself more than not, then know all you’re really doing is being selfish. And in the long run, all that’s going to do is end up destroying it. If you want to have a happy and long-lasting relationship, try utilizing “The Selfish And Selfless Exercise” that my partner and I do at the end of each day. Not only can it end up helping each of you grow in your own spiritual journeys in life, it can also bring a lot more love and light to your relationship. And that alone, can sustain it through anything.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

It’s pretty easy to awake and get caught up immediately into the daily routines of life isn’t it? Each of you most likely has your own set patterns of the way you like to start each and every day. But how many of you though actually begin them in a selfless way by asking your Higher Power, whomever that is, how you can be helpful for the day?

There are so many opportunities throughout each of our days to get out of our self-centeredness and ego-based states of mind and help another. But what often ends up happening instead is that we get caught up in those routines and patterns in life and focus solely on what we need to do and accomplish for the day. What that usually ends up translating into is a tremendous amount of missed opportunities where we could have helped our Higher Power spread more love and light on this planet.

The sad reality is that most of us are in a hurry all the time. We’re rushing from here to there and checking off the boxes of what needs to get done during our day. In doing so, we might be less courteous to others on the road or in various places of business. We may avoid phone calls from those we deem to hold less importance. We may tell someone we are too busy when they’re asking for our help, even if it’s just for a few minutes of our time. And sadly, we might even forget to do even the simplest of things, such as holding a public door for those following closely behind us.

Those are just some of the missed opportunities where each of us can be helpful to our Higher Power. In my case, for the longest time I was so self-absorbed into what I needed to get out of life that I really thought little about helping anyone else out on any given day. I starting changing that a few years ago by waking up each morning and saying the following in my daily prayers.

“God, how can I be helpful to You today?”

Life has changed for me dramatically for the better since then.

Now, I see so many different ways where I can do just that. It’s almost as if I were once completely blind to what was going on around me. I’m a lot more respectful on the roads today because of it. I like to hold the doors now for people and smile as they walk on by. I enjoy talking to strangers who seem like they need a friend for the day. In fact, several of the sponsees that I am working with now in my 12-Step recovery arose from my new awareness of how I can be helpful to God.

We truly never know how our Higher Power may call upon us to help out in any given moment of a day. But if we are too busy thinking about ourselves and what we need to get out of it, then we are going to miss many incredible opportunities to experience the reason why we are all here, and that’s to spread love and light everywhere.

So the next time you wake up and are ready to start your day, I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and ask your Higher Power how you can be helpful for the day. In doing so, you may find yourself being called upon in the strangest of ways. But you’ll probably also be smiling a lot more and feeling a lot less self-absorbed with all your day-to-day worries of life because of it.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

When I was on my cruise last week, the first few days of it were quite a challenge for me. In fact, you might say that I was in the doldrums somewhat during the initial sailing. That seems pretty hard to believe given that I was doing something so luxurious and in such a tropical climate. But, I’ve come to see that the final stages of this healing process I’ve been enduring these past few months aren’t going to be a walk in the park. That being said, I’m amazed how the God of my understanding always seems to send me just what I need to get me through each of those dark moments when they happen. And one of those moments occurred directly in the middle of that cruise.

By Day 3 on this past cruise, the ship I was on was stopping in St. Thomas for approximately 10 hours. When I awoke that morning and saw that we were docked in port, I had already been dealing with an incredible abundance of pain and low energy over the previous few days. A large part of me wasn’t having the best getaway, and ironically I was thinking more about just wanting to return home. But as I had been doing on each of the previous days, I did my best to be grateful for what I had and tried to put a smile on my face, as I got ready to go into port.

By the time I stepped off the ship and on land for the day, I was really missing my daily routine back home of going to recovery meetings and working with my sponsees. Normally, on a day-to-day basis there, I’m trying to do what the 12th Step says by practicing the principles of recovery in all my affairs. Most of the time that helps me to curb some of my pain and take the focus off of it for small periods of time. On a cruise though, there’s very little ability to partake in 12 Step recovery related things, especially when out at sea. Sure there are occasional AA meetings that happen onboard, in fact I went to all three of them. But at home, I am regularly getting together with my sponsees, working with my sponsor, going to various 12 Step meetings, and making use of telephone therapy. On a cruise, I’m cut off from using each of those tools. Thankfully, all that changed temporarily in St. Thomas because the island is also a U.S. territory, thus my cell phone was in network.

The moment I realized that, I connected into it and saw I had several e-mails to open. That’s when I noticed one had come from a person I barely knew from a group I had been regularly attending back at home. It was from someone who had less than 30 days of sobriety that I had given my business card to and said to contact me if they needed any help. But ironically, they weren’t asking for that in that e-mail. Instead, they were reaching out to make sure I was ok because I hadn’t been at that meeting for the past week and a half. I immediately felt a sense of love and comfort from that relative stranger in my life. And from that point forward, I felt completely lifted out of some of that depths of despair I had been feeling.

It’s funny to think how even a simple e-mail from someone saying hello and wanting to make sure I’m ok, could totally change my outlook. I call these things the small gifts from God and I look at each of them as unconditional acts of love. When I returned to that meeting the following week, I thanked this person for reaching out to me and let them know how grateful I was for them.

Sometimes I wish the rest of the world operated this way by offering those small unconditional acts of love regularly. I know that if all of us could do things like this every single day, then our world could become a much happier, and more loving place to live in.

So the next time you find yourself thinking about someone you haven’t seen for a while, try reaching out to him or her through e-mail, a text, or even a phone call. By letting them know you care, not only are you doing a Light filled action, you may find it’s exactly what that person was needing to keep going, just like it was for me during my cruise.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson