Month: April 2014

1 In 33

The latest statistic in the recovery world states that only 1 in 33 will find true sobriety and recovery from their addiction to alcohol and drugs. Many wonder why that number is so low, except I’m not one of them anymore and here’s why.

First off, the amount of people who are court ordered to attend 12-Step recovery meetings these days is alarming. Most of them actually don’t want to be there. For the few who do, it’s generally only temporary due to their fear. But once those court slips are signed, completed, and life is back to normal, the majority of them never come back and instead immediately return to the drinking and drugging that led them there in the first place. I’ve noticed there are tell tale signs of these type of people when they come to the meetings. Most sit as far away as possible from those who are speaking. They usually spend their entire time there looking at their phones or getting up and going outside for a smoke. And they never show up early or leave late to carry on conversations with those who are actively doing their recovery work.

A second reason why only 1 in 33 are finding true sobriety and recovery is due to the amount of pampering they can receive from various state programs these days. While these programs are geared to help a person find recovery from alcohol and drug addiction, they also don’t prevent them from coming back again and again. Many of the people I’ve known in recovery have gone to dozens and dozens of detox centers solely to get a warm shelter, a bed, and some free food for a while until they feel better. Once they do, they frequently will go right back to the drugs and alcohol they gave up for a small bit of time. This pattern is what’s referred to as an addict’s “Spin And Dry”.

A third reason why so few find true sobriety from alcohol and drugs can actually be placed on the responsibility of those who are already working on their recovery. Meetings are so much bigger these days and it’s quite easy for a newcomer to slip in and out the back door without ever being noticed. It’s important for every single person in recovery to greet each other and make everyone feel welcomed. Most newcomers don’t even know how to say hello because of the abuse they’ve already put themselves through. That’s why it’s important to make it a point at every meeting to greet those we see, especially those we may not recognize. Unfortunately, there are many cliques that have formed in meetings nowadays and many newcomers end up feeling left out because of them. Those cliques can lead a newcomer out the back door quite easily never to return.

There are a few other notable reasons why only 1 in 33 make it to full recovery from alcohol and drugs. Some of those can include situations where the family and friends are enabling a person to stay in their perpetual relapse state or where the damage and destruction has not gotten great enough to bring them to their knees. Sometimes a frustrated husband or wife, a medical condition, or the risk of losing a job brings people around to recovery for awhile but as soon as those conditions settle down, they go right back into their disease.

Lastly, as difficult as it is to mention this, a final truth is this. Alcohol and drugs are so easily acquired these days and there are way too many individuals who are using them to cope with life. Essentially if everyone is doing it, then why should a person stop? That’s the thought process of way too many people, especially with teenagers and young adults.

All of these things I’ve mentioned contribute to why only 1 in 33 find true sobriety and recovery. This wasn’t the case a long time ago when 12-Step recovery was in its origins. Back then recovery meetings were far and few between. There were no addiction programs out there that were government subsidized. There was no court ordered attendances. And there was a lot more individual attention given to newcomers because the amount of people in recovery was so little.

The sad truth is that the second number in this statistic will most likely only rise as time goes on. That doesn’t mean we should lose faith or be downtrodden in life. It just means we should all try a little harder to put our hand out and pass on our experience, strength, and hope to those still suffering. Hopefully our messages will ring home to those out there who are still suffering from alcohol and drug addiction and help change this statistic. In the meantime though, may God bless everyone who is actively working their recovery and all those who are still yet to fully find it.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Getting Honest In 4, 5, and 6

There are three levels of honesty that one can have in their life: honesty with oneself, honest with another, and honesty with a Higher Power. For those in the midst of suffering from a major addiction, it’s generally likely that their levels of honesty in each of those areas are minimal to none. By the time they find 12-Step recovery, most of the people in their life are already aware of this, but usually the addict themselves is still quite oblivious to it all. That’s only because dishonesty has become such a way of life for them. Thankfully there are three of those 12 Steps though, which are geared to helping them begin the path of getting honest with each of those levels.

Step Four is the first of them and it’s all about getting honest with oneself. It’s about taking a fearless and thorough inventory of any resentments they’ve ever experienced in life. It’s involves looking in the mirror at how their own actions led to each of their resentments. It’s about taking a deeper look into any of the fears they’ve had throughout life. And it’s even also about taking a closer inspection to their entire sex conduct. Thinking about all of this is one thing, but it’s another altogether when an addict is forced to write it all down. On paper, it soon becomes very realistic just how much their disease of addiction has affected them. It allows them to face the destruction and devastation it’s created. And by the time that addict completes the writing of an exhaustive 4th Step, they will be able to see they’ve taken a huge step forward in getting honest because they’ve now done it with themselves.

As the recovering addict moves forward into Step Five, they begin to face the reality that they need to get honest with everyone else in life too. This step is simple in method but frequently difficult in execution for that addict. Telling lies again and again to others and then lying to cover up those lies were all the normal way of life for them not too long ago. To find recovery means they must break that pattern. Step Five forces that addict to read their entire written fourth step to another individual. This generally raises a lot of fear within them because it’s the first time in their life they are forced to expose those dishonest things they’ve done throughout their lives. Most choose to read their 4th Step work to their sponsor who has walked them through the steps so far. But others sometimes choose to find a clergyman, a priest, a pastor, or even a total stranger to read it to. Regardless of the method chosen, taking this action is huge for a recovering addict as it’s usually the first time in their sobriety they get fully honest with another individual. And by the time they complete this step, they have now been able to open that door even wider to getting totally honest because they’ve now done it with someone else.

The last step that’s important to mention, which is the one that helps in getting honest with a Higher Power, is Step Six. The addict’s work in this step is entirely devoted to spending dedicated time with the God of their understanding. Most sponsors will guide a sponsee in this step to take plenty of time to meditate, pray, and reflect upon the work they’ve done so far in the steps. Sitting alone with one’s thoughts and doing this action can prove to be quite challenging for a recovering addict. But in doing so, they can begin to work on developing a much closer relationship with their Higher Power. The goal in this step is to be ready for that Higher Power to remove all their addict-based behaviors. Of course, one of the major ones to be removed here is the dishonesty.

By the time a recovering addict begins to move into Step 7 and beyond, there’s a good chance they are now getting a lot more honest on every level, especially if they have worked each of the prior three steps thoroughly. Unfortunately, if they haven’t, the likelihood is that they are still remaining dishonest either to themselves, to another, or to their Higher Power. And all that is going to do is drive them right back into their addiction once again.

So if you are in the middle of working the steps or have just found them, make sure you do a thorough Step Four, Five, and Six when you get to them. In doing so, you will find yourself getting a lot more honest on every level in life, and will see your recovery getting that much stronger too. But even more importantly, you’ll be able to have better relationships with yourself, with everyone else, and with God, and your chance of relapsing will become that much less too…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Learning How To Live More In The Moment

I hear people all the time say how they wish they could live more in the moment. It’s something that challenges so many, especially those with undisciplined minds. There is one tool though that can help to reverse that and it’s meditation.

In recovery, meditation has become a regular part of my life due to the 11th Step. But before I ever found the 12-Steps, I learned how to do it on my own. I took the drastic path by forcing myself to sit without movement for hours on end and focus on my breathing, even when my mind was screaming at me to move or do something else. The level of physical pain that I was carrying was the initial motivation for doing so. I had tried just about everything else to make it go away, but nothing worked. Meditation did though and it also showed me how my mind was just like a young puppy. It wandered from one thing to the next, sniffing this and sniffing that, and never being able to sit still with any one thing. Through practice, I learned how I became that way in the first place.

Ironically, I came into this world, as did everyone else, being able to live quite successfully in the moment. But as I grew older and watched my parents and their programming and patterns, I began to see how they constantly worried about the future. Eventually, I started following suit by worrying about the next day, the next week, or even the next year. All of that just created my own negative programming and patterns that mimicked my parents and kept me from living in the moment. When it became a daily occurrence for me to worry about the future, I developed chronic anxiety. That’s all anxiety really is in all truthfulness, it’s when a person is unable to stay in the present and have constant fears about their future. When a person does this with their past, they develop chronic depression instead.

Meditation is a tool that can prevent that from happening. It works to keep a person living in the moment, or simply in the present. It forces the mind to focus on what’s happening right here and right now. In the beginning stages of learning it, it’s often extremely challenging to sit there and not move. The brain screams out how much it hates doing it and it can even cause more pain in the body to surface. But don’t worry though, I’ve never heard of anyone injuring themselves by doing meditation.

The best image I can give here as to what happens in the brain when a person first attempts to start meditating is this. Picture a speeding care that’s racing down the road that suddenly has to brake hard for a red light. It usually comes to a screeching halt doesn’t it? That’s about what it looks like in the brain when it’s constantly thinking about this or that and going a mile a minute when suddenly a person tries to sit down and meditate for the first time.

To learn how to live in the moment through meditation takes practice and a lot of it too. It does get easier over time, no different than if one was trying to learn how to ride a bike. It’s not like anyone ever got on a bike for the very first time and was instantly able to do it with perfection. Ok, well maybe there might be an odd fellow out there who did so, but in most cases, riding a bike or learning anything new takes practice.

I’ve been meditating regularly now since 2003. I even went on a 10-day silent meditation retreat many years ago. All of it has helped me to learn how to live in the moment a lot better. It’s also helped me to see the subtle things I was doing without even realizing it like shaking my leg with great rapidity when sitting. It helped me as well to remember the things my eyes saw throughout the day in great detail. Ironically, it even helped me to recollect my dreams when I thought I wasn’t even dreaming.

There are many other wonderful health benefits to meditation and truthfully, it can improve one’s entire life on every level. Which technique will work best for someone is something they need to discover on their own though. I’ve usually found it best that beginners start with guided meditations because another person’s words can help to initially keep them better focused. Over time though, it’s best to sit in silence and try some of the other techniques that include breath work, counting, mantras, and the awareness of body sensations.

Currently I spend 30 to 45 minutes each morning doing my own meditations. I encourage someone brand new to meditation though to try initially for five minutes. As time goes along, it will get easier to go for longer periods. Trust me, I never thought I could do it for even that long, but I did and have since gone for as long as four hours in a row.

Meditation can truly benefit everyone. So if you should ever find yourself struggling to stay in the moment or are dealing with things such as anxiety or depression, I encourage you to begin learning how to meditate. Start by taking just five minutes of your time to try it. In doing so, you just began the path of reprogramming your mind and learning how to live more in the moment.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson