Recently, it’s been brought to my attention that an individual has been talking quite negatively about me behind my back, both inside and outside the recovery rooms. There is a term for this, it’s called backstabbing, and it’s a serious character defect. Thankfully my Higher Power helped me to part ways with it several years ago, but unfortunately, there are many others, such as this individual, who haven’t.
“The sick don’t know their sick” is a phrase that first comes to mind anytime I hear that someone is backstabbing another, whether it’s a person in recovery or not. I say that only because of my own past personal experiences in doing it. For years, I went to meetings and talked a good game. In other words, I said all the right things about what to do in recovery and truly believed I was doing them. I honestly thought my recovery was top notch. The problem is that it wasn’t. I was filled with so many character defects that I was completely oblivious to how sick I still was. And regrettably, backstabbing others was one of those defects that caused me to remain sick.
I never thought talking negatively another person behind their back, was a bad thing to do. Often, I wasn’t even aware I was doing it, which is the case with many sick people like I was back then. In my mind, I was always just venting my opinions about those people, thinking it was completely harmless. But it wasn’t. Often my backstabbing comments reached those people and hurt them immensely. Even worse, a few of them were newcomers who relapsed because of it. I’m grateful that my relationship with my Higher Power today is strong enough to not let that happen to me because of this individual’s words. But just as important, I know my recovery program is much more solid today because the words being said aren’t causing me to be angry and react. In the past though, they definitely would have.
Another reason why I believe I’m not getting angry or reacting to this person’s backstabbing of me is that I know what’s being said isn’t true. The fact is that most people who get angry and react when someone is backstabbing them is because there is some truth to what’s being said of them. I should know because much of what was said of me behind my back in the past was true, I just didn’t want to look in the mirror to see that truth.
It’s unfortunate that this individual doesn’t see just how sick they still are, as much as it was for me all those years I was the same exact way. But a simple truth in all of this is that most people who backstab another are only jealous of them in some way. There’s something in those people they’re talking negatively about, that they want within themselves. My first sponsor always told me that when people start talking negatively behind your back, it means your recovery is working and theirs isn’t. I am so thankful I remembered her words as it’s helped me to have compassion for this individual.
So if you think it’s healthy to talk negatively behind someone’s back, it’s not. Please understand the only thing you’re really doing when you’re backstabbing another is hurting your own recovery and possibly theirs. It’s a serious character defect that can only be eliminated through a spiritual transformation by your Higher Power and thankfully, mine has done that for me. Hopefully this person will allow their Higher Power to one day soon do the same for them as well. Until then, I will continue sending them love, forgiveness, and peace as I know that is what my Higher Power would want of me…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson