I have been around long enough in the rooms of recovery to see there is really only one underlying reason why a person chooses to go back to their addiction.
They failed to enlarge their spiritual life…
The disease of addiction, especially with alcohol and drugs, is one that must be continuously kept at bay. For years I tried every non-spiritual based solution to keep mine that way, but each of them always landed me right back into my addictions. I was triggered constantly during this time and I had no defense against any of them when they occurred. But I kept right on trying to find my own way to recovery anyway. When the pain got great enough though, I decided to finally give Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and the 12 Steps a whirl.
I had initially balked at the 12 Steps because six of them mentioned “God” so I assumed that AA and the other recovery programs were all just religious based. And I despised religion at the time, which in turn caused me to despise these programs. But soon I discovered that AA and the other 12 Step recoveries were actually spiritual and not religious based. I also found out I could create a Higher Power of my own understanding. And that’s exactly what I did.
Since then, AA and the 12 Steps have led me on a very strong spiritual path and it’s one that I don’t choose to stray from anymore. Each of the times I did though, my ego had gotten the best of me. When that’s happened, I usually abandoned the recovery work, the rooms, and my spirituality. The end result was always a return to my addiction-prone life. That’s not a place I choose to revisit anymore because it’s never been a happy one.
Over the years since immersing myself into my recovery, I have sponsored many individuals. Sadly, I’ve watched many of them struggle as well with the spiritual concept. It’s been just as hard for them to face the idea of turning their will over to some type of a Higher Power to guide them. They frequently have disappeared and gone back to their favorite poison because of this.
I can honestly say I don’t truly understand why enlarging one’s spiritual life keeps the disease of addiction at bay, but it does. It’s the only thing I’ve ever found to work, just as Bill Wilson discovered many decades ago. It’s also the only thing that has ever kept me from succumbing to those triggers that once led me frequently back to any of my former addictions.
I never want to go back to any of my former addictions, so I’m choosing nowadays to continue enlarging my spiritual life, because at least then, I know I will remain on the path of recovery…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson