All addicts seek a high from something. When I was an active love addict, what I sought was the feeling of falling in love. I loved all that gushiness, that ogling, that newness, and that spontaneity that came with it. But if there’s one thing I loved the most about it, it was the highs it created within me when it was happening.
I sought those highs for several decades and unfortunately it turned me into quite a sick sex and love addict, but mostly the latter. Now that I’ve been in my monogamous relationship for the past two and a half years and have settled down, those highs aren’t occurring on a daily basis. Because of that, my recovery from this addiction is currently facing its biggest challenge yet. That’s to continue growing in this relationship instead of running off like I used to do in all my previous ones.
It’s probably best that I set the record straight by stating I love and am still in love with my partner. The frustrating thing about being a love addict though is that I also miss that excitement that came when I was in the process of falling in love. My relationship is now in a new phase, and it’s one of growth. While we might still share those gushy moments and some ogling with each other, our focus isn’t as much on those things anymore. Nor is it on having to be on top of each other all the time either. Instead, I’m learning that being in a healthy long-term relationship means going through this growth period where we can grow closer on a soul level and where we can appreciate the highs when they still occur.
My old addict-based self never liked having only occasional highs after the falling in love period was over. To supplement my disease and this lack of highs, I always had to look at porn, strongly flirt with friends I was attracted to, masturbate regularly with fantasies of others, and spend vast amounts of time on dating websites trying to build potential future partners. I’m happy to say I’m not doing any of these things anymore and I’m seriously grateful to my Higher Power for that. The fact is I don’t want my love addiction to take me away from what I believe really matters and that’s to continuing building this long-term relationship.
No different than how my alcoholism and drug addiction once drove me to seek greater and greater highs, being a love addict also did the very same thing. But in the end, all that ever remained in that greater pursuit of any type of high was being utterly alone in whatever my addiction was. Thankfully, that’s not the case anymore. While I may no longer have those constant highs that came when I was falling in love, I do have something that’s a lot more priceless and that’s the unconditional love my partner and I share for each other now, mind, body, and soul.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson