“Maybe those AA’rs were right” are words that can be found in the Step 1 chapter of The 12 Steps and 12 Traditions Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). They are words that I hold dear to my heart now because of the part they’ve played on my journey to recovery from the addiction-filled life I once had.
To put it bluntly, I used to think that AA and all other 12 Step recovery programs were for weak-minded individuals. Through quite a bit of self-will run riot, hitting progressively lower bottoms, and observing those who remained active in those programs from a distance, I eventually realized how far off base I really was.
My first exposure to 12 Step recoveries was back in the summer of 1995. A therapist had recommended me at the time that I check out some AA meetings to help guide my newfound sobriety from alcohol and drugs. I initially followed her advice and went to a bunch of them in the Northern Virginia area where I was living back then. I didn’t attend them very long though because I allowed my mile-wide ego to tell me that AA was for a bunch of crybabies who couldn’t work through their problems on their own.
I spent the next 12 years trying to do just that…figure it out on my own. While I made a few friends here and there from those recovery rooms, I often kept my distance from them because I became so involved in various substitute addictions like gambling, and sex and love. As I continued to hit lower and lower bottoms from the progression of my disease, I noticed those friends were always smiling so much more consistently than I was. I saw how they weren’t ever experiencing those deep valleys that come from living in an addiction-filled life. And although I remained clean and sober from alcohol and drugs during all those years, I became more and more miserable while those friends seemed to become more and more happy.
Sadly, even though I had many moments where I thought that “maybe those AA’rs were right” from some of the things I did hear in the meetings I occasionally attended and saw in those friends, I still proceeded to wreak further havoc and destruction onto my life from my active disease.
I truly believe that a person’ will will stop living in their disease of addiction, whatever it is, when they experience a bottom that’s painful enough to make them stop doing it for good. In my case, that bottom came from losing both a seven-year relationship that I thought I was going to spend my life with and the entire $600,000 investment I made into a business that went belly up. Thankfully, when that happened, I became willing enough to finally get a sponsor and do those 12 Steps.
In the seven years that have passed since then, I have grown immensely and no longer act out in any addiction. I also am so much happier now than I ever used to be. My life isn’t being lived anymore through major highs and lows and honestly, I’m still amazed that I never relapsed on alcohol and drugs during all those substitute addiction years. But more importantly, I’m even more amazed at how much those words have become true for me of “maybe those AA’rs were right” because the fact is they really were…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson