There are many things I’ve done over the years that hurt others, with almost all of them having occurred during the time I was extremely active in some type of an addiction. Up until the past year or so, I had never been on the receiving end of any of those things, meaning I never felt the pain that others went through from my toxic behaviors. Over the past nine months though, that’s no longer been the case as I’ve definitely been getting a taste of my own medicine.
Getting a taste of one’s own medicine definitely sucks, but I believe it’s necessary when on a spiritual journey to find enlightenment. Some may say that receiving this medicine is no different than one’s karma coming back to bite them in the ass, but I’m choosing to look at this quite differently these days.
I’ve often struggled to have compassion for those I’ve met who were experiencing the same things I inflicted upon others because I didn’t know what it felt like. My deepest desire is to help others and be a selfless person in life, but how was I going to be able to do that successfully without ever having had any of that pain inflicted upon me? Not that I like to get pain, but I believe that sometimes the Universe allows us to be placed directly in the line of getting a taste of our own medicine solely for the purpose of completely learning a lesson. In my case, each time it’s happened, it’s led me to the same conclusion. I never wish to repeat that pattern of toxic behavior again and I have a much deeper amount of love and compassion for anyone else who may experience it themselves.
The first time I started getting this taste of my own medicine and learning a lesson came last October when I discovered my partner’s infidelity. At first, I was extremely angry and hurt because of it. My ego wanted to get back at him and even end our relationship over it, but through the help of my Higher Power, I saw how his actions were really no different than any of what I had done to all my previous partners. After making that realization, I had no desire to follow any of what my ego was trying to tell me to do.
The second time I started getting this taste of my own medicine and learning a lesson was when a friend of mine began talking behind my back. The things being said of me were far from true and each hurt worse than the last when they came back to me. My ego once again wanted to act out and do a similar behavior, but through the help of my Higher Power, I was able to see how I once did that on a regular basis when I had no recovery or spirituality working in my life.
The third time I started getting this taste of my own medicine happened only a few weeks ago when I learned even more about the full extent of my partner’s infidelity. There had been several lies by omission, even when given the prior opportunity to come fully clean. But this time, I didn’t allow my ego to go anywhere at all because I could see how I lied countless times by omission to everyone I ever spent time closely with for years and years.
The most recent example I have of getting a taste of my own medicine happened last week with one of my closest friends in the world. When I left Massachusetts, he and I promised each other we would talk once a week so that we wouldn’t allow too much distance to get between each other. But last week, he didn’t call me and it’s been a reoccurring pattern for him more than not since I left. Usually, I’ve had to be the one to call him again and again just to get him on the phone, with each time hearing him tell me how busy he’s been. The ironic thing is that I once did this to him with such regularity when I lived in Virginia, yet I never thought about how it may be affecting him when months went by without any contact from me.
So I’m convinced that all of these things are part of my spiritual growth and I’m sure there will be more of them in the future. Getting a taste of my own medicine truly isn’t easy, but I’m welcoming it a lot more nowadays. That’s solely because the more I experience the same pain I once inflicted regularly upon others, the more I truly never want to repeat any of those negative behaviors again. But even more importantly, the more it builds an even deeper foundation of love and compassion for everyone on this planet.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson