Are we defined by the jobs we hold? Why is it that one of the first questions that’s asked when meeting someone for the first time is “So what do you do for a living?” These are the questions I’ve been asking myself quite a bit lately since a friend brought the subject up with me the other day.
I have to admit I’ve been just as guilty of asking these questions, as I’m sure others have been as well. While I understand they’re often icebreakers to getting conversations started between two people that have just met, I’ve honestly never placed much thought to the impact they might have on the people I ask them to. However, that all began to change in the past few years since I’ve become someone unable to work due to the state of my health and the healing I’ve been going through. Before this transformation began though, there was a time I rather treasured when people asked me what I did for a living.
After graduating from a well-respected college, I held a string of high paying jobs for about a decade and with each I also held onto a huge ego. When I left the corporate world and purchased a high six-figured business, I was definitely more than happy to continue entertaining that question from anyone. But then came the day when I lost that business and all the money I placed into it. That was followed shortly thereafter with a rapid decline of my health.
Since then, I’ve found myself often cringing when I meet someone new, as I prepare myself for the inevitable question to come up of what I do for a living. Truthfully, it wasn’t so bad initially because people seemed to have compassion for what I was going through. Now that a few years have passed, I find many to not be as understanding and instead their words have become rather judgmental when they discover I’m still not in the workforce. What frequently happens now is that I end up fielding a lot of questions about why I feel I can’t work, where some have even gone as far to say that it seems like I’m making excuses or that I’m lazy.
My spiritual teacher has told me me that it’s really none of those people’s business to be asking these types of questions in the first place. I’ve come to realize that many of those that criticize or judge me for my lengthy unemployment are often jealous because they aren’t happy with they’re work life and wish to be in my shoes. What’s ironic is that I truly do want to work, except my body hasn’t cooperated enough yet on a consistent basis to do so. Thankfully, I have a very supporting partner who understands this and doesn’t place any expectations on me. It still doesn’t make it any easier though when I have anyone ask me that question of what I do for a living.
There is a positive thing that’s arisen out of all of this though. It’s the fact that I have much greater empathy now for those who aren’t in the workforce or who may be working at jobs they feel don’t carry much weight in this world. In the past I know I often wanted to know what someone did for a living because of my ego, but now I see it’s really not that important and asking it could also end up hurting the other person. That’s why I believe a person’s employment status isn’t what really defines a person at all, it’s what they do out of unconditional love on a daily basis. While I may not be working at a paying job at the present time, I am working on spreading as much unconditional love to everyone else in this world as I can, including myself.
So my bottom line is this. I fully believe that asking someone else what he or she does for a living can hold a lot of judgments, especially when the other person might not have a job or may have one they don’t feel carries much weight. With that being said, maybe then what we all should be doing instead of asking that question is to allow everyone else to define who they are all on their own. In doing so, aren’t we being a lot more unconditionally loving, then if we force a person to define themselves through their employment?
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson